Hi everybody,

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Keep on truckin’!

Todd+Cathy

Discussion & Time Stamps

0:00 Centering

4:09- Todd’s story of the two boys

11:00 Alpha and the Beta male

16:18 Manbox- Sports tied to identity

24:17- Introverted sons

35:17 stats on boys and men

41:04 Mask You Live in Trailer

48:25 Ways to connect with our sons

1:00:11 Positive male role models

1:13:00  12 year old son is hitting 10 year old sister

1:18:09 Millie wisdom

Resources

Andrew Tate as a Teachable Moment

How We Avoid the Rise of Another ‘Andrew Tate’

Andrew Tate’s Most Controversial Opinions!!!– Tate is best known for his controversial views on various topics, including feminism, race, and mental health. He has been criticized for promoting toxic masculinity and for making misogynistic and racist comments. Despite the controversy, Tate has a significant following on social media platforms such as Instagram, where he shares fitness advice, motivational messages, and his opinions on various topics.

Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is struggling, Why That Matters, and What to Do about It.

The mind-blowing stats on male inequality Richard Reeves

The Bystander Moment Documentary

MenLiving

Todd Adams Coaching For Guys

12:08:32 From Elaine Vaughan : 11 and 15…helping them show up as themselves in a world that is expecting so much of them
12:08:55 From Daryn : 18, 16….sons showing/expressing vulnerability and being able to ask for help.
12:09:08 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : Twin 11-year-old sons. One struggles with anxiety, a perfectionistic tendency, and an extremely low self image.
12:09:15 From Malini DiClemente : 16, 14, 12
Two oldest boys don’t interact, show vulnerability, ask for help
12:09:35 From sally (she/her) : 14 and 16….hard being vulnerable limited communication, substance use
12:09:42 From Jolene Lorimer : 6, 12, and 14….they are all very different and need different things
12:09:44 From geoff : Gabe is 10 yrs old. Biggest challenge is maybe confidence…and feeling a lack of having a circle of close friends.
12:09:49 From Laura Cutlip : 13 – not interested in doing anything we say, arguing
12:09:49 From Alicia Schultz : Charlie is 8. Sam is 5. Sam has some really big emotions and has started getting in Charlie’s face about it. He’s modeling Charlie. Charlie gets really angry and has kept himself from getting physical by invading personal space with an angry look on his face and growling.
12:09:55 From Alyssa : 17…..making friends
12:10:03 From Missy Miculka : Almost 15…connecting with him and nurturing what we have…helping him to be himself with regard to trying to be like others- can be good and can be tricky
12:10:15 From victoria : 12, struggles with emotional regulation and being able to express feelings and communicate better with others instead of lashing out, hitting sister….
12:10:27 From Lindsay Garfield : I do not have sons but I teach in an alternative program that is predominately young men. I look forward to hearing from everyone about vulnerability and connection.
12:10:34 From Erin Kuhn-Krueger : 10, 8 and 5 Anxiety, leaning in to who they are and not who the world think they should be/act (2 of 3 are differently wired)
12:11:47 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : I always have shit to say…ty for this.
12:11:49 From Mimi : 12 not big on social interaction with other kids. Keeps to himself . Not sure if he has any social anxiety or if it’s who he is . He’s definitely an introvert
12:11:55 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : Oh behalf of all of us!
12:12:19 From Missy Miculka : Also talking about dating
12:13:10 From Malini DiClemente : Still here just at work so cannot video
12:17:40 From Elaine Vaughan : And getting these boys to understand that the girls around them have both, the hard, outer shell and the softer middle…
12:19:00 From Erik Treese he/him : Man Box – strong, successful, powerful, dominating, fearless, in control, and emotionless
12:19:08 From Malini DiClemente : Boys always play sports, and not just any sports but contact sports mainly
12:19:21 From Malini DiClemente : And real boys don’t dance
12:20:01 From Elaine Vaughan : Yes, Malini…they get asked ”what sports do you play?” Instead of “what are your interests?”
12:20:09 From Daryn : Man box. ..suck it up. don’t show fear, don’t show emotion, carry everything off like it’s easy. Don’t share anything with your friends, except jokes and ribbing.
12:20:19 From geoff : Gabe isn’t too much on one end of the spectrum (alpha/beta)…and maybe a lot on the beta side. Not sure if/how this impacts his confidence (which is low)
12:21:14 From Malini DiClemente : I agree 100%. No empathy from my oldest at all
12:21:49 From Erik Treese he/him : Man box… men have blinders on to whats around them
12:21:50 From Alicia Schultz : That language of blinders is super helpful. My oldest is lacking in empathy too.
12:22:28 From Malini DiClemente : Though he has some form of empathy with our dog
12:22:43 From Malini DiClemente : Reacted to “Man box. ..suck it …” with 👌
12:22:57 From Malini DiClemente : Replying to “Yes, Malini…they get…”
Yes
12:22:58 From victoria : I wonder if the lack of empathy is because my son is so self involved or because of shame. usually the shame is when he feels like he did something wrong…
12:23:38 From Daryn : another example of a young teenager male versus female. When my son went through a breakup he was suffering on his own (with us trying to support) With a female, more likely for her to get support and process it with her girlfriends.
12:23:42 From Alicia Schultz : Reacted to “I wonder if the lack…” with 👍
12:23:46 From Elaine Vaughan : 12 is pretty egocentric still, naturally…so empathy is still developing, imho
12:23:56 From sally (she/her) : Stop running and playing and being silly and laughing unless using substances or being sarcastic or joke insulting friends…Sharing only Bruh…fine…chill….saunter walk like your not in a hurry.
12:24:11 From Elaine Vaughan : Re: Victoria, maybe it’s not either…shame or self involvement…it just “is”
12:24:32 From Alicia Schultz : Replying to “I wonder if the lack…”

My oldest hates to do things wrong too. I can empathize because mistakes are like a knife to my heart myself. That’s an interesting viewpoint about the shame. Thanks for sharing.
12:24:54 From victoria : Replying to “Re: Victoria, maybe …”

true. I guess that’s my struggle trying to ‘fix’
12:25:13 From Elaine Vaughan : Replying to “Re: Victoria, maybe …”

OMG>>>yes. Me too. We love them so much we just want to fix.
12:25:39 From Alicia Schultz : Replying to “12 is pretty egocent…”

That’s so good to know. Would love a raising healthy sons chat about helping younger kids develop empathy, with practical tips.
12:26:10 From Elaine Vaughan : Replying to “12 is pretty egocent…”

Love this idea, writing it down for next meeting.
12:26:37 From Alicia Schultz : Reacted to “Love this idea, writ…” with ❤️
12:27:17 From Elaine Vaughan : Replying to “12 is pretty egocent…”

I think we often “expect” more than they are capable of. I will bring in some data around it too, ty for this!
12:28:00 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : Speaking of expectations of boys and sports, I was SO pleased to see in my teen daughter’s recent high school dance show that there were a bunch of guys in it. One senior, I learned, is also a football player and he rocks on the dance stage! I love that he claims both these sides of himself and is comfortable demonstrating both.
12:28:47 From Erik Treese he/him : Reacted to “Stop running and pla…” with 👍🏻
12:28:56 From Erik Treese he/him : Reacted to “another example of a…” with 👍🏻
12:29:05 From Erik Treese he/him : Reacted to “I wonder if the lack…” with 👍🏻
12:29:34 From Alyssa : I’m also worried with my son not being socially comfortable around peers- he doesn’t seem to make close friends. (17)
12:29:35 From Erik Treese he/him : Reacted to “Speaking of expectat…” with 😀
12:32:09 From victoria : Reacted to “OMG>>>yes. Me too. …” with ❤️
12:32:47 From Missy Miculka : Malini, would he be open to trying a club or non-sport activity at High school?
12:33:13 From Erin Kuhn-Krueger : If sports are no longer his thing, is there another activity/interest that he’d like to get involved in instead? Maybe it isn’t even at school. connecting online is helpful and safe feeling for my kids.
12:33:16 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : Is it worthwhile to bring up that all kids come to us with their “own” level of introversion/extraversion, emotionality and self-regulation…sometimes we think they want something they really don’t…I’m not sure if this makes sense…I feel like there is a lot of projection I guess.
12:33:34 From Erin Kuhn-Krueger : Replying to “If sports are no lon…”
For me, too, it is letting go (and sometimes grieving) of MY expectations and experiences from high school.
12:34:38 From Alicia Schultz : My husband is also very introverted and is totally happy with a select few friends. And he prefers to have small group, online, or 1-1 hangouts. He basically never attends big group stuff.
12:35:23 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : I second what you said!
12:39:53 From Missy Miculka : That is an incredible stat!
12:44:32 From Daryn : If we know that teen and young men isolate and want to separate from their parents. (And we need to listen more than talk) HOW do we help the boys find more support and other male mentors. I have a close friend who has twins and her h.s. senior son is really struggling and lacking support (peer and adult male) She is a single mom.
12:49:24 From Elaine Vaughan : Is this helping connection…or creating disconnection…yes.
12:53:53 From Malini DiClemente : No for my boys unfortunately
12:54:24 From Jolene Lorimer : Mentors/positive role models is something we are always looking for. Agree so important
12:55:14 From Malini DiClemente : How can we help them be friends with girls? Because I completely agree
12:56:28 From Malini DiClemente : Yes. No coaches are helpful
12:57:00 From Erik Treese he/him : Father-Son Weekend June 9-11 East Troy, WI https://www.fathersonweekend.com
12:57:45 From Alicia Schultz : Reacted to “Father-Son Weekend
…” with ❤️
12:58:00 From Malini DiClemente : No Elaine you are not
12:58:33 From Alicia Schultz : Do we need a mindful mentor questionnaire? “I just need to fill this out before you mentor my kid.”
13:00:08 From Missy Miculka : Daryn, that is so true…the single moms need help connecting boys with good mentors, and may not have good men nearby
13:00:56 From Elaine Vaughan : I hear you Malini…I was willing to take a risk…not tryingg to speak for you or all…just my experiences and those I know that I’m willing to share.
13:03:48 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : We’ve talked a lot about him in RHS
13:03:54 From Missy Miculka : We like Will Tennyson (he’s a bodybuilder who is so positive and funny)!
13:05:29 From Alicia Schultz : Last of US!
13:06:59 From Alicia Schultz : Awwww
13:08:37 From victoria : barack obama, prince harry…
13:09:10 From sally (she/her) : Ted Lasso
13:09:47 From Alicia Schultz : Shaun T is a Beach Body (now BODi) coach that I like who is positive and male.
13:09:52 From geoff : @sally 👍 to Ted lasso
13:10:21 From Alicia Schultz : Reacted to “Ted Lasso” with ❤️
13:10:25 From Alicia Schultz : Reacted to “barack obama, prince…” with ❤️
13:11:02 From Alicia Schultz : Can me move this list to a post in CIRCLE so we can reference and add to it over time?
13:11:09 From geoff : Unfortunately I have to jump…I’ll be mindful to call length next time. Thanks Todd and all!
13:11:49 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : OK, I want to say something…shocker! It won’t be controversial, I promise…it’s backing up something you said.
13:15:39 From Alicia Schultz : Gotta run! This has been great. Thank you!
13:16:17 From Missy Miculka : I have to run, thanks so much!!!
13:29:17 From Lindsay Garfield : I have to head out as well, thank you and Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there.
13:29:53 From Daryn : “snips and snails and puppy dog tails
13:30:01 From Malini DiClemente : Thank u!
13:30:19 From Daryn : Thank you for being here for us today!
13:30:33 From Daryn : Maybe we can ask our boys for the role models too