Hi everybody,

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Keep on truckin’!

Todd+Cathy

Discussion & Time Stamps

(00:01:00) Jennifer check-in

(00:03:05) Conferenc eUpdate

(00:04:15) Car stories

(00:08:06) Twin son is gay

(00:25:25) Extra

(00:37:00) when spouse travels

(00:47:30) Doing more

AI Generated summary

Meeting summary for Zen Talk (06/19/2024)

Quick recap

Todd and Jennifer discussed Jennifer’s return to the team, her co-parenting relationship, and how to support their children, including a discussion about her son’s potential sexuality. They also engaged in a light-hearted conversation about parenting and the importance of physical touch, while acknowledging the challenges of having a partner away for extended periods due to work. Lastly, they shared their struggles with balancing work and personal life, the impact of external expectations on self-worth, and the benefits of open discussions about substance use with children.

Next steps

• Jennifer to express support for her son’s sexuality in a casual and non-confrontational way, such as mentioning it’s Pride month or making a casual comment about him dating someone in the future.
• Todd to plan activities and discussions around gender and relationships for the upcoming conference, including a pre-conference workshop for men, a men’s living panel, and sessions with Dr. Solomon.
• Attendees to consider attending both the men’s living weekend and the conference weekend to work on personal growth and relationships.
• Todd and Kathy to explore offering a discount or package deal for men attending both the men’s living weekend and the conference.
• Jacqueline to continue having open conversations with her children about substance use and its effects, using opportunities like car rides.
• Kathy to give Todd time and space to readjust when he returns home from travel, before expecting him to engage fully with her routine and experiences.

Summary

Jennifer’s Return, Divorce, and Parenting Discussion
Todd and Jennifer discussed Jennifer’s recent return to the team after a three-year absence, her amicable divorce, and her co-parenting relationship with her ex-husband. They also discussed upcoming team events, Jennifer’s interest in attending a conference and reconnecting with former colleagues. Lastly, they addressed a minor car accident involving their teenage daughter, highlighting the importance of taking responsibility and notifying the owner in such situations. Todd and Kathy were present to offer support and advice, with Jennifer indicating she had issues to address but was asked to wait by Todd.

Supporting Andrew’s Potential Sexuality
Jennifer shared her concern about her 16-17-year-old son, Andrew’s potential sexuality and her desire to express her support for him. Todd advised her to maintain her current approach, which is not to ask her son about his sexuality, and to continue supporting him as she always has. He emphasized that it’s not necessary for her to make a grand statement or gesture, but rather to allow her son to share his sexuality with her at his own pace. Jennifer appreciated Todd’s perspective and agreed with his approach.

Handling Support for Andrew
Jennifer shared that Andrew had dropped hints about this, and she wasn’t sure whether she should express her support more openly. Todd suggested that it’s best to not pretend and to let things come up naturally, rather than forcing a conversation. They agreed that they should be honest and supportive with Andrew, while respecting his boundaries and privacy.

Parenting, Physical Touch, and Affection
Todd and Jennifer had a light-hearted discussion about parenting, focusing on the importance of physical touch and expressing affection towards children. Todd shared his experiences with his own children and how he shows them love differently based on their personalities and comfort with physical touch. Jennifer agreed and highlighted that her own child values physical affection. Additionally, Jacqueline shared her experiences as a parent of a transgender child, discussing the unique challenges and perspectives it brings. All attendees appreciated the shared experiences and perspectives, acknowledging the positive impact of physical expressions of love in parenting.

Discussing ‘Queer’ Terminology and ‘Woke’ Concept
Todd and Jennifer discussed the use of the term ‘queer’ within the LGTBQ+ community, acknowledging its varying interpretations and the generation divide in its acceptance. Todd indicated his support for the normalization of positive uses of ‘queer’, while Jennifer emphasized the importance of understanding its fluidity. Todd also shared his ongoing education about the term ‘woke’, its origins in the African American community, and its subsequent reclamation. The discussion concluded with an open forum for questions and comments, inviting further insight from Erik.

Partners Away: Balancing Time and Relationships
Todd and Jacqueline discussed the challenges and benefits of having a partner away for extended periods due to work. Jacqueline shared her realization about having more time to focus on herself when Matt, her partner, was away. She also expressed concern about Matt’s potential feeling of being stuck, despite him not listening to the group’s calls. Todd related to Jacqueline’s experience, sharing his own struggles with managing time and ensuring family harmony when his partner was away. Jennifer also contributed her experience of developing independence and confidence when her partner was away on business trips.

Balancing Work and Personal Life Challenges
Jennifer, Jacqueline, and Todd discussed the challenges of balancing work and personal life, particularly in the context of extended periods of separation. Todd shared his struggle with feeling overwhelmed and guilty about not doing enough, despite working on multiple tasks. He also expressed a desire to slow down and enjoy the present moment, but found it challenging to break free from the constant need to be productive. The group offered empathy and understanding, recognizing the complexities of maintaining a well-oiled machine both at home and in the workplace.

Balancing Self-Care and Productivity Struggles
Todd discussed his struggles with finding a balance between self-care and productivity, and the impact of external expectations on his self-worth. He expressed a desire to slow down and reduce internal pressure, but noted that this can be challenging in a society that values constant activity and productivity. He also highlighted the complexity of his own motivations, recognizing that at times he uses busyness as a way to avoid deeper issues. Jacqueline agreed with Todd’s observations, noting that comparison can be detrimental to personal growth.

Substance Use, Parenting, and Conference Focus
Jacqueline shared her positive experience of discussing substance use with her children, following advice from Kathy, and how it initiated insightful conversations with her kids. She also mentioned her decision to stop drinking alcohol, which her children have noticed and are connecting the dots. In response, Todd expressed his support and mentioned that the upcoming conference would focus on gender, relationships, and parenting issues. The group agreed to continue these conversations in future meetings.

Resources

MenLiving

Todd Adams Coaching For Guys