1. Zen Talk # 80 is in the books.  Click here to catch the video, or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
  2. Zen Talk #81 will be Tuesday, March 31st@ 12:00 Central  The link to all future zen talks will be this link–  please save it somewhere so it’ll be easier for you to access. https://zoom.us/j/853203000
  3. If you have any friends that you think might be a good fit for the Team- have them sign up for 1 free month by using the coupon code “friend” and I’ll send you something out of our zen store– just let me know what you want.  Just shoot me an email after they have joined the Team.
  4. To see future Zen Talks you can go either go to the events page on the Team Zen Facebook page, or go to https://zenparentingradio.com/what-we-do/events/
  5. Don’t forget to the get on the Team Zen facebook page (if so inclined)- wonderful questions/answers/resources/inspirations.  Don’t be afraid to chime in to support another Team Member who is looking for some support.
  6. If you have any ideas for Cathy and I do improve your overall Team Zen experience, please let me know.

Keep on truckin’!!!

Todd

Discussion & Time Stamps

4:27 Ally is a healthcare worker and is looking support

13:56 11 year old son uses the word “rape” flippantly and inappropriately

26:22 13 year old keeps lying to me

41:10 Dawn is struggling keeping her kids on a schedule

50:52 Spin the plates

Resources

Tribe Men’s Group

Jeff Foster’s book on acceptance

Shefali Tsabary on lying

Chat

12:01:25 From Kate V : Did we already point out todd’s clean coif ?
12:02:11 From SHAUN EMERSON : weirdo
12:02:39 From Millie : I think we need to have Todd hang with my son who refuses to bathe.
12:03:17 From Jennifer : I let it out too, Todd!!
12:04:07 From Millie : Oh, HI, Quinn!!!!
12:04:54 From Malini DiClemente : My hubs lets it out always and laughs and giggles EVERY TIME! But then when I do it, like ONCE A YEAR, he looks at me like I am the grossest person on the planet…???
12:05:19 From Millie : I’m 3 today.
12:05:22 From Dawn Dockey : 4
12:05:23 From Kim Gardner : 1
12:05:25 From Kristen : 2
12:05:26 From Kimmee : 3
12:05:26 From SHAUN EMERSON : 1
12:05:28 From Cesarina’s iPhone : 3
12:05:28 From MaryJo Nelson : 1
12:05:29 From Emily Chang : 3
12:05:29 From Diane : 3
12:05:33 From GarfieldL : 1
12:05:33 From Kelly Copeland : 4
12:05:37 From Millie : I’m working on the SURRENDING!
12:05:39 From Erin Kuhn-Krueger : a million?!? (although calm right now bc I’m by myself)
12:05:42 From Millie : Surrendering.
12:05:43 From Malini DiClemente : I am a 1 with the current global situation, but at about a 4 with my boys
12:05:46 From Amanda : 3
12:05:50 From Anita Fudalewski : Moment to moment… 4 or 2
12:05:56 From Anna : 2
12:06:02 From Jennifer : 3.5
12:08:38 From Anita Fudalewski : Sending lots of ZEN LOVE !!!
12:08:42 From Todd Adams : who wants to ask a question or ask for support?
12:09:47 From karni griffin : I can
12:13:31 From Dawn Dockey : oh my goodness the creativity!
12:14:10 From Malini DiClemente : I emailed a question to you guys right before the zoom meeting began…
12:14:47 From karni griffin : sending love All!!
12:15:16 From Kristen : Sounds so hard Ali. Sending lots of love and deep breaths.
12:15:27 From Kimmee : lots of love and support to everyone!!!
12:16:05 From Malini DiClemente : My husband and I are healthcare workers as well….I am at home because I work in an outpatient clinic, but my husband is a home health physical therapist and I am concerned about him as well…
12:17:15 From Anna : Hand on heart, comforting vibes Ali.
12:17:43 From Todd Adams to Malini DiClemente(Privately) : i didn’t get it. will you ask it here?
12:17:48 From Emily Chang : sending love to Ali!! I have one 6 year old as well and I worry about her social connection everyday. we’re in this together!
12:18:01 From Kim Gardner : my daughters say “whore” for everything (15/16 yo) and I keep saying things and they call me boomer!
12:18:05 From Malini DiClemente to Todd Adams(Privately) : do have a question to ask for today….it has to do with my boys lying to me about almost everything it feels like. From whether or not they did their chores, to how much time they have been on the xbox/screen, to whether or not they did their e-learning for the day. My 13 year old in particular, lies directly to my face  times per day, even when I actually have physical proof of when he is not telling me the truth. It is leaving me feeling very exhausted, and I am struggling to find energy to maintain any connection with him/them…and also wondering if there is a connection to begin with? Or if they feel anything in their bodies when they lie to me….
12:18:48 From karni griffin : I don’t like shut up either
12:19:11 From Anna : Harsh energy.
12:19:24 From Malini DiClemente to Todd Adams(Privately) : I do not like shut up and my 13 yr old tells my 10 yr old all the time…
12:19:24 From Dawn Dockey : I have a story about using the rape as a kid – I did this once and the way my mom responded is ingrained in my mind
12:22:18 From karni griffin : thank you Dawn, do you remember how old you were?
12:23:33 From karni griffin : What is an age appropriate way of explaining to my son what rape is?
12:24:30 From Kristen : how old is your son Karni?
12:24:39 From karni griffin : 12 in a couple weeks
12:26:22 From karni griffin : Great point Dawn. I always ask him if I can kiss him, or scratch his back etc
12:26:56 From nicki : u-tube video about forcing someone to drink tea, is really good
12:27:10 From karni griffin : thanks nicki
12:27:40 From karni griffin : Thanks guys
12:29:47 From Todd Adams : who is next?
12:30:33 From Malini DiClemente : I have been doing that….but then they still tell me the lie…Ex: I told my youngest to go brush his teeth bc I knew he did not do it yet….and he spent 5 min telling me that he did…
12:30:42 From Dawn Dockey : I have a q
12:31:16 From Malini DiClemente : I know why…they want to stay out of trouble….
12:31:48 From Malini DiClemente : Ok but when my 13 year old keeps telling me that he was not on a certain app until 1am, even though I can see on family sharing that he was….
12:32:18 From Malini DiClemente : The issues are more with my teenager…
12:33:11 From Anita Fudalewski : I deal with lying too, my 12-year-old daughter
12:33:12 From Malini DiClemente : the teeth brushing is really just a small example…
12:34:01 From Anita Fudalewski : She prefers to enjoy the moment of getting away with it… until she is caught
12:34:21 From nicki : With teenagers, say hey your life your choices. They really step up, because they want to be successful.
12:34:37 From Malini DiClemente : I know I am bringing this negative energy….that is how I grew up…at this point I feel like I just need to stay away from them and not even talk with them…
12:34:47 From Malini DiClemente : I don’t want to police
12:35:10 From Anita Fudalewski : I feel that so deeply, yes… the reframe is a huge challenge for us
12:36:20 From Malini DiClemente : Oh no I know I can do stuff about it, I am just tired of ‘doing it’
12:36:53 From Malini DiClemente : I guess I am saying that I am self aware, and also feel like I don’t have it in me anymore
12:38:46 From nicki : Look up the book by /dr William Stixrud and Ned Johnson. In NZ it is called The Thriving Child, different in America. It made a huge difference. It is actually a relief, not another “to do”
12:38:55 From Kristen : malani I was feeling like that last night. Today is a day of going slow, self care and letting go.
12:39:00 From Malini DiClemente : no I cannot accept that…I know that is the main problem
12:39:26 From Malini DiClemente : I like that
12:40:14 From Malini DiClemente : I put a lot of pressure on my parenting bc I want them to have a better childhood than I did….but I forgot that this is all for me…
12:40:28 From Millie : Maybe it is also like what Todd told me the other day…to SURRENDER to it…and just focus on YOU for this moment.
12:41:35 From Malini DiClemente : What training are you doing?
12:41:36 From Anita Fudalewski : I was thinking of surrender too
12:42:33 From Millie : Jeff Foster’s book — https://www.amazon.com/Deepest-Acceptance-Radical-Awakening-Ordinary/dp/1622038657
12:42:35 From Malini DiClemente : I was LOVING being at home until yesterday 🙂
12:42:36 From Anita Fudalewski : stick a fork in me!
12:44:05 From Malini DiClemente : Thanks Millie 🙂
12:45:13 From Erin Kuhn-Krueger : I feel you Dawn. The constant needs of the young kids + differently wired ones too ALL. DAY. LONG. is beyond hard.
12:45:37 From Kelly Copeland : Dawn, I can relate. I am having to unpack almost my whole house and between that and work calls, I’m having trouble stopping to give attention to my 6 year old. And I can’t get anything done with the constant interuptions.
12:46:44 From Erin Kuhn-Krueger : I created a “schedule” for the consistency part of things (not that we’re “really” sticking to it, but at least it gives us something from which we work, and for my differently wired kiddo, it is at least a starting point.
12:47:26 From Dawn Dockey : Choice!!! That’s really resonating
12:47:37 From karni griffin : i sooo need to learn to surrender too!
12:48:19 From Malini DiClemente : steve was the same way… I made him listen to that podcast AFTER the shutdown and he was asking if we had milk and bread…
12:49:13 From Malini DiClemente : I told my 8 year old this morning that he needed to leave the basement bc it was mommy’s time to exercise….
12:50:01 From karni griffin : Good for you Malini
12:50:08 From Anita Fudalewski : My hubby said, you’ve been home for 2 weeks, when are you going to paint a room…???
12:50:23 From Malini DiClemente : And when you tell us not to spin the plates then they ALL FALL DOWN!!!
12:50:54 From Malini DiClemente : Or he just does not want to know and is asking to be poilite
12:51:08 From Todd Adams : who is next? probably time 4 1 more
12:51:12 From Malini DiClemente : Yep
12:51:17 From Malini DiClemente : Yep
12:51:32 From Malini DiClemente : Can you guys call steve later today and tell him that?
12:51:43 From karni griffin : If there’s a zen talk next Friday look out, my hubby will be on
12:52:16 From Anita Fudalewski : Hubby thinks emotional labor is a choice!!
12:52:22 From karni griffin : ugh…
12:52:59 From Malini DiClemente : I was hoping steve would have bought the book after Gemma’s part of the conference bc he said he liked her message…..but he did not…
12:53:14 From Malini DiClemente : But I bought it
12:53:47 From Joe Locey : Just read for men/husbands: Gamma Hartley’s article in emotional labor
12:54:00 From Joe Locey : Must read
12:54:00 From karni griffin : My husband wants me to go back to work only so I won’t bug him to workout more!
12:54:27 From Anna : Practice asking for what YOU need. Flipping the regular upside down, set aside doing for others, ask for yourself. Team work!
12:55:01 From Joe Locey : Men need to be nudging other men too!
12:55:16 From karni griffin : been asking my kids for more help as we ALL have more time on our hands, not just me. Not well received though…
12:55:22 From Malini DiClemente : YES JOE!!!!!!
12:55:32 From Joe Locey : Also dead sugars interview: so awakening!
12:55:39 From Joe Locey : Dear sugars
12:55:52 From nicki : Yio had exactly that, I notice when I ask directly you passively don’t do it, if passively communicate my feelings it doesn’t work. How else should I try to commuinicate the help I need. He laughed acknowledge his behavior and did step up.. for that moment (:
12:55:58 From Joe Locey : Bad autocorrect!
12:56:03 From karni griffin : Yes! Thanks Todd
12:56:11 From Todd Adams : tribemensgroup.org/start
12:56:22 From Joe Locey : have them join the tribe calls!
12:56:25 From Malini DiClemente : Happy BDay!
12:56:36 From karni griffin : happy birthday!
12:56:58 From Emily Chang : happy birthday!!
12:57:07 From Diane : Definately having trouble with outbursts and frustration with my 6 year.
12:57:08 From Malini DiClemente : I love the Good Enough podcast!!!
12:57:21 From Kelly Copeland : We left a homemade gift on a friend’s porch yesterday for her 7th birthday and sent her a video.
12:57:28 From Malini DiClemente : I meant On Purpose….oooops
12:57:34 From Elizabeth Buswick : Wait, I missed it – who did the whole show on talking to kids?
12:57:44 From Anna : Have 6 and 8 yr old. Facetime like never before, almost like they have virtual phones early!
12:57:47 From Kelly Copeland : i saw notes on the sidewalk between friends too!
12:57:56 From Millie : Or go and write a chalk message on their sidewalk to wish them HB
12:58:21 From SHAUN EMERSON : peace and love, all!
12:58:24 From Malini DiClemente : Thanks for the extra talks! Very helpful!!!
12:58:39 From Erin Kuhn-Krueger : Thanks guys!
12:58:43 From karni griffin : Yes thank you for the extra talks, guys. Your girls are beautiful
12:58:44 From Malini DiClemente : LOVE IT
12:58:51 From nicki : To early for hubby
12:58:51 From Millie : Hi Quinn!
12:58:58 From Emily Chang : love avengers!
12:59:03 From Kelly Copeland : Quinn says hi!
12:59:16 From Anita Fudalewski : watched Parental Guidance !