Discussion & Time Stamps

0:00 Needing advice on how to address the issue of our 18 yo not having a job. He took community college classes this spring after pursuing that by his own choice (yay!). But we stipulated he needed a part-time job. That would have been the deal if he went to a 4-year college as well. He would need money if his car required repairs.
His response is that he doesn’t need a job since he’s not spending money. He’d saved up from previous jobs, so he’s tapping that and using a tiny allowance.
My husband struggles with trying to control him and sometimes pesters him about the job. My son said he applied to places and hasn’t heard. Not sure he did. I try to bring it up in a positive way once a week.
I’ve asked my husband to focus on their relationship, since that’s more likely to lead to good things. They’ve had a rocky time the past few years. And his attempts to control or take privileges away in the past had bad results. He sees our son as a slacker and wants him to step up. I see him as our immature first born. My husband gets my viewpoint, but struggles to embrace it.
Any thoughts or advice?
Cathy

14:48 Calling on healthy parents of teens! Help! We discovered our 16 yr old has been vaping. This is the second discovery and replacement of the first device that we confiscated months ago. Lots of lying and hiding going on as one might imagine.
Identifying 2 sep issues here- 1 addiction behavior and addressing that. 2- identifying distrustful and connection exiting behavior.
I want to be able to address the dishonesty and assess an appropriate consequence… or do I? I want to remain a trusted resource and remain always approachable. If assigning consequences is supposed to be a deterrent, what I’ve done so far isn’t working. Can I really assign a consequence that is effective given that he is 16 years old?
He shared that he didn’t want to share his behavior because he enjoys smoking and thinks he is addicted- feels shame about this and also doesn’t want to have to stop. He knew if we found out we would make him stop.
Super stuck! Any experience with something similar? Ideas?

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