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Todd: Here we go. My name’s Todd and this is Cathy. Welcome back to another episode of Zen Parenting Radio. This is podcast number 799 times. Why listen to Zen Parenting Radio? Because you’ll feel outstanding and always remember our motto, which is that the best predictor of a child’s wellbeing. is a parent’s self understanding.
Todd: Uh, I have a small idea of what we’re going to do today, but Cathy has a better idea. So, um, are you willing to kind of tease out where we’re going to go today?
Cathy: We’re going to talk about five things to be optimistic about.
Todd: Five things. Is anything else or is that it?
Cathy: Well, I mean, within the five things, there’s a lot of, uh, subcontent.
Cathy: So, um, it’s not just, oh, here’s five things done. [00:01:00] It’s like, there’s some things that can grow into other things. And I think that Many, uh, right now need things that they can, um, look forward to or be optimistic about. I know that for some there’s a heaviness right now, and I get it. And I in no way am trying to bypass any of that.
Cathy: I don’t think we have to. I think we can do a number of things simultaneously. We can feel our feelings or our, you know, our fear or deal with our challenges. And at the very same time, be forward thinking and what we can do and what is happening. Um, and what is happening already. Like, you know, one thing that, uh, Todd and I, we did a podcast a couple of weeks ago where we talked about all these quotes that I had around the house.
Cathy: And one of our favorites, uh, is about the rock garden. And I can’t do it off the top of my head because it’s like kind of a long quote, but it was about how when we’re standing in a rock garden [00:02:00] and you’re like raking the rocks, there’s always rocks you can’t see. They’re underneath or they’re behind you or they’re, and so there’s things happening that you may not be aware of.
Cathy: There’s rocks that are present that you may not know are present.
Todd: Um, I, I want to just, uh, if, if you ever need any support, sweetie, this is the fixer in me.
Cathy: Okay.
Todd: Uh, I have a wonderful thing that you should do. Are you ready? Okay. Oh no, it’s not playing. Yes. You
think I had a lie down. Take a hot bath and then, uh, wrap a hot towel around your head.
Wrap a hot towel around my head. And then, make yourself some soup. Get a nap. Okay? Okay.
Todd: Um, Ferris dad, uh,
Cathy: We all need Ferris dad today.
Todd: What I think is interesting about Ferris dad is I totally relate to that. Like, I feel like that’s just, uh, When our daughters want nurturing, Now, I can put on my nurturing hat.
Todd: For sure, I can. There is a Ferris dad in me, [00:03:00] for sure, of basically giving, giving you ideas that don’t help at all, but it makes me feel good that I’m trying to help.
Cathy: Dad, or dad, Todd says that those two sentences that you just heard probably four times a week to our girls. If they call and say, like, Jaycee just texted this morning and said it’s so cold because she goes to school in Michigan.
Cathy: She’s like, we can’t go outside, school is canceled, it’s so cold. And he’s like, wrap a hot towel around your head.
Wrap a hot towel around my head. And then, make yourself some soup. Make yourself some soup. Get a nap. Okay.
Todd: Get a nap. It’s actually pretty good advice, but the way he gives it, it’s just very passive.
Todd: Yeah, I just don’t think it’s landing.
Cathy: Well, first of all, Ferris, you know, sorry to spoil the plot, everybody, but Ferris is not sick. And he has a day off. And he has a day off. Those are two things. He lives in Chicago. Yeah. His friend is named Cameron. Yes. His girlfriend is named Sloan. But other than that, he is not sick.
Cathy: And so dad is just trying to be like, Hey, you’re not sick. Here’s some things you can do, but he doesn’t really, he’s not really helping.
Todd: [00:04:00] When Cameron was in Egypt’s land.
Cathy: Let my Cameron go.
Todd: Um. And real quick, before we really start the show, uh, you just, um, I’m the one that has to change your name in Zoom for some reason.
Todd: I don’t like that. And I, I just, that is, uh, it’s an understandable thing that drives you nuts when you don’t have, uh, control over something and I do. Mm
Cathy: hmm.
Todd: It’s very kind of old school 1950s crap.
Cathy: So there’s a few things that Todd and I, you know, because we’re married and we are in a business together, there’s a few things that we share, like for example, Zoom.
Cathy: So, but for a while it was my account, but then Todd had to mess with Zoom because he has a men living account. And so it all got messed with and now it’s you.
And
Cathy: so when I sign in, sometimes I can’t be the host. You’re the host and I can’t change my own name. And I hate it. This also happens because we have a Google Calendar.
Cathy: So the Google Calendar runs through [00:05:00] Todd’s Google. So that means I need to always be logged into Todd’s Google. So whenever I pull up Google, it pulls up every spreadsheet Todd has ever done in his life. And, which is annoying, and I have to be in his Google, so if people send me something, or I get a link, it can’t connect.
Cathy: I have to like, get out, go to mine, and connect. I
Todd: know that there’s gotta be a better way of the way we have Google and Calendar set up. I think there’s probably a I just don’t know how to do it. There’s
Cathy: probably an overlap, but you and I have been doing this for 14 years. So like so much of our work is under your name and that wasn’t intentional.
Cathy: We didn’t like make a decision. It just kind of all of a sudden Todd did this part or whatever. And then it’s whoever
Todd: set it up first, really like the Zoom you set up. So it was under your account. And then I think it actually started with Team Zen. By the way, Team Zen, I want to just say hi to our newest Team Zen member Rachel, uh, Raquel from Tennessee.
Todd: So glad that you joined us. Thank
Cathy: you. It’s so good to have you here. And then the other thing is like credit cards, which like [00:06:00] Todd told me last week, he’s like, we’re getting new credit cards. I don’t know why they just sent us a letter and said we are. So this weekend while you, while you were gone, I was so nervous.
Todd: That it was going to go away. That it was
Cathy: going to go away. And I’m like, why don’t I have control of my own things? Now I understand that some of this is just part of being in partnership and sharing it. And I’m not like a control freak where I want to be in charge of all these things. It just sometimes has this vibe to me.
Cathy: Like I have to wait for Todd to do something
Todd: that
Cathy: I as an adult can do. And so, you know, so for those of you out there saying to yourself, well, just do this or just do this. I know, I. I’m not stuck in a situation that’s really that detrimental. Todd, are you coughing into the Wrong pipe. Yeah, he’s, at least it’s not a smoothie.
Cathy: Then I’d be annoyed, but it was just water. Um, so anyway, it’s, I’m not mad at you though. You know that, right?
Todd: I do.
Cathy: I’m not annoyed at you. I’m annoyed about the system.
Todd: The setup.
Cathy: Yeah.
Todd: I do want to ask, [00:07:00] as my voice is adjusting to having water down the wrong pipe, uh, just give me just a few minutes at some point in the podcast, uh, about a reflection from my Men Living In Vans this weekend.
Cathy: Okay. Men Living In Vans, people don’t know what that means. So Todd went on a Men Living In
Todd: Vans. The weekend men’s retreat. Yeah. Even though we call it an advance for different reasons.
Cathy: Yeah. And that’s, that, that people don’t know that. No. So, okay. Okay. End. So speaking of, I know we’re going to talk about it more, but this weekend coming up is our Zen Parenting Conference.
Cathy: Um, it’s our last one. ZenCon 25, everybody. I know people tend to jump on board right at the very end. I suggest you do that. I suggest you jump in, um, And come to this conference. So if you are one of those people who are feeling heavy right now, and you’re like, I’m just not quite sure where to focus my energy for goodness sake, come.
Cathy: Like, that’s why we’re doing this. I couldn’t have predicted that it would be exactly around a time people needed it this much. But, um. That’s the whole intention, is that we’re trying to [00:08:00] create community and create an opportunity for people to shift the way they’re seeing things, um, cause a lot of times, you know, the definition of a miracle is a shift in perspective, right?
Cathy: So let’s, let’s come together and, and it’s so fun. Todd and I have so many fun things lined up. Bless Glenn
Todd: Phillips. Have I played this one? Yes. Oh, I haven’t. You
Cathy: play it all the time. Same one. But
Todd: you said that last week when I did Good
Cathy: Intentions. Good
Todd: Intentions. Yes. And then, and then the ocean one. So
Cathy: Oh, you know what?
Cathy: You’re right. You haven’t played this one. Yeah, I, I, you played, um
Todd: Yeah, I’m trying to, I’m trying to mix it up.
Cathy: I, you’re right. I, I am incorrect.
Todd: Are you going to ask Glenn to play certain songs? Yep. What if
Cathy: he pulls a Natalie Merchant? He kind of did in Michigan. He’s a talented musician. I’m not going to micromanage what he sings.
Todd: People don’t know what that means. Oh,
Cathy: the Natalie Merchant?
Todd: One of my friends said that he hated a concert because, [00:09:00] uh It’s
Cathy: my fault. My best friend’s husband,
Todd: who I’m very close to. No, no, no. I’m talking about how the, the story happened as a result of I was at Mike Rosen’s house. Oh, sorry, sorry,
Cathy: sorry.
Todd: And they went to a Natalie Merchant concert and she played none of her popular songs.
Todd: Right. And they were pissed. So then Cathy got into a big debate with Chris Lozier. Um, and. Where,
Cathy: where he, he was like, she has every right to do that. And I said, but if you sell tickets saying Natalie Merchant is coming to town, people are, I’m sorry. Buying those tickets because they are expecting to see a few songs.
Cathy: Now, as somebody who goes to live shows all the time, I don’t think to myself, you better play every song I know, but I’d like a throw me a few, throw me a few boats. And Chris was very, very adamant that he didn’t think that was necessary. The
Todd: good news is the debate continues on 10 years later. We’re not done.
Todd: We’re not done. Uh, by the way, sweetie, I’m on your side.
Cathy: You are? Thank
Todd: you. Thank you. I appreciate that. Um, okay. Uh, so if you want to come to the conference, the ZenCon 25, please check it out. The link is in the show notes. And if money is an issue, email me [00:10:00] and we’ll figure something out.
Cathy: Yeah, we can do, we have coupon codes.
Cathy: We have scholarship. We, we have this, this year. So if you want to come, do not miss it because of money. And it’s our last, and it’s
Todd: our last one. Yes.
Cathy: Email us and we’ll, uh, There’s a bunch of people who have emailed us and it’s been this quick. We turned it around. So it’s not something that you need to worry about, especially if you’re a therapist or a teacher.
Cathy: We’ve got coupon codes up the wazoo. Okay, so you ready? Yeah, let’s do it. So, Five things to be optimistic about. I wanted to be really, I didn’t want this to be generic at all. So I’m coming up with things. I, I did a search for things that made me feel optimistic. And I’m gonna start with one of them that kind of feels like it may not fit in this category, but I’m putting it in.
Cathy: Okay. Shannon Watts is somebody I follow very closely as you know. She started following our page and I could not have been more excited. Yeah. Like, Shannon Watts is the woman who created Moms Demand, uh, Action. And, um, she is just, to me, a role model [00:11:00] of when something happens, taking a leadership role. And she has, as far as, um, common sense gun laws and making people more aware and et cetera.
Cathy: So, one of the things she talks about, and she just did a podcast about this again, so I got reminded, is about the, the optimism of losing forward. Okay.
Todd: The optimism of losing forward. So
Cathy: let’s talk
Todd: about that. That’s strange.
Cathy: What we need to do is celebrate every win we have, small, you know, tiny, possible, and you know, any win, because it’s easier to stay in, in a fight or stay in something we’re trying to change when we see our progress.
Cathy: Okay. Because I feel like a lot of people have these big goals. This can be macro or micro. When it comes to our country, people have all these big goals. This big thing needs to change. And then if it doesn’t, for some reason, or things start to go awry, which [00:12:00] they have, we’re like, well, then it’s over. And what are the little things that have happened so we can see the forward progress, you know, and you can’t give up when you lose because it’s inevitable.
Cathy: People like, okay, my daughter is in speech and she’s very good at speech. It’s, it’s, she’s good at it. But occasionally, she doesn’t get, uh, the place she wants, or she doesn’t get exactly what she thought she was gonna get. And, you know, Todd and my conversation with her is always about, this is inevitable.
Cathy: It’s not all, even though speech is a very individual effort, you don’t know who the judges are, you don’t know what the mood of people is, you don’t know the other kids who are there. Could have a bad day, could have a good day. Correct. It’s, it’s inevitable, when you are good at something, or even when you’re Figuring out how to be good at something, you have to learn how to lose.
Cathy: There is no way to become excellent. And I, you know, I try and throw all the sports stuff at her. It doesn’t mean anything. The whole Michael Jordan missed, you know, how many shots to [00:13:00] make sure he was the best player. Babe Ruth struck out.
Todd: More times than anybody. More
Cathy: times than anyone but was the biggest home run hitter.
Cathy: Like you can’t be good at something unless you lose. So you have to consider that you’re learning something that will help you win next time and that’s what losing forward means. Okay. So the last part that is, that’s big about losing forward is you’ve got to prepare for a long game. Now we can look at this again, macro or micro.
Cathy: We can look at our country. We can look at our community. We can look at our own family. Most of the things that we take for granted, they took a long time to come to fruition. Like I’ve been really reflecting on who I was. As I was raising the girls and the kind of mindfulness that I wanted and the kind of gratitude that I was trying to create on days that were just so busy and so overwhelming and when I felt really like my, my world was only being a mom, even though I did have a job and I was a partner with [00:14:00] you and I had other things going on.
Cathy: I was like, I couldn’t do anything but be with them. And a lot of my. Now that my girls are older, a lot of the work I did as far as self awareness and mindfulness and yoga and gratitude journaling, I now still do that. And now it’s come to a place where I’m like, now I embody it. And, and again, my girls are older.
Cathy: So also what shifted was I’m not doing exactly the same thing, but if I hadn’t done those things, then I wouldn’t have The awareness is that I do now.
Yeah.
Cathy: Everything, like one of Todd and my favorite things that we learned from, we heard this story from Wayne Dyer, I think, but, um, somebody called in or wrote to him and said, you know, I’m considering starting a graduate program but I feel too old because I’m like 58 years old.
Cathy: It might have been 48. I’m 48 years old and I just don’t know if I should do this. And all he said was, in two years, when you’re 50, you’re either gonna have a graduate degree or you’re not. So [00:15:00] which one do you want? Like, you need to do work now to have something later. Yeah. And it doesn’t always work like this, and I’m not trying to be flippant because I think we have also, I’m just going to be honest, I think we’ve lost a lot.
Cathy: I think a lot of things have gone not great in our country, maybe in our communities where things are starting to get a little scary or a little like worrisome. I get that. It’s not that I don’t see that, but what do we do when we think that? In our own families. Maybe communication is breaking down.
Cathy: Maybe our relationships are breaking down. In two years, do we want to be like we did nothing?
Todd: So what I hear you saying is like, um, sometimes you have to focus on the long game.
Cathy: The long game.
Todd: So, um, it reminded me of this quote Cathy and I were recording on January 20th, Martin Luther King Jr. Day. And, uh, this is one of his more famous ones.
Todd: It’s just 10 seconds, but I think it’s worth sharing.
Let us realize that the arc of the moral [00:16:00] universe is long, but it bends toward justice. Let us realize that William
Todd: Cullen I heard that from Bryan Stevenson. Me too. We heard him speak at MSN. I didn’t know that was a Martin Luther King Jr quote until Bryan Stevenson said it.
Todd: But anyways, uh, yeah, it’s like the long game. It’s like, uh, well we gotta eliminate You know, climate change right now. Like, well, it’s the only way most things change is baby steps. And sometimes it’s two steps forward, three steps back, two steps forward.
Cathy: And when people give us these numbers and they’re like, if we don’t do this by this day or by this year, everything’s going to go, to hell and everything’s going to fall apart.
Cathy: I hear that. I believe in science. It’s not that I’m questioning that. But I also think there’s a lot of rocks we haven’t seen. There’s a lot of things we don’t know. There’s a lot, whenever the girls get really worked up about these things, which Gen Z does, um, I’m like, our creativity is also here. Like something could be created.
Cathy: It could be created through something like AI that we’re like kind of demonizing, but all of a sudden it gives us this information [00:17:00] that we need to save the planet. Like I, and I, and I’m not. Being Pollyanna, I, I see the challenge, but I’m also like, what do we do then? And, and I would much rather direct my energy toward preparing for a long game.
Cathy: Right. And, and having, and like, Todd, listen to this. It took a hundred years to win the right for all women to vote. A hundred years. It took a hundred years to pass child labor laws in all 50 states. It took 40 years to legalize same sex marriage after the first state lawsuit was filed. It took 20 years to implement drunk, drunk, drunk driving standards in all 50 states.
Cathy: Like things, you know, it also, things get rolled back like Roe versus Wade. Terrified me. One of the worst days I’ve ever had. I see the back and forth, but then we. And by the way, Cecil Richards died, uh, today as well, who was the president of Planned Parenthood who did so much work and had a great book called Good Trouble, and pushing us forward, and she’s the [00:18:00] daughter of Ann Richards, and Ann Richards was the governor of Texas.
Cathy: Oh, wow. And so, these are two women who, also in my lifetime, I have looked to as leaders. And, and we can say, well, she died and then that’s it. And, but no, look at what these women did. They pushed us forward in so many ways.
Todd: I have one example, and I might play a little clip from CBS Sunday morning that was in December.
Todd: But one thing that they said on that show was that in 2024, 20, 000 less people died of drug overdose. Yes. Yes. Which is a 17 percent decline. So, obviously, any single overdose is too many, but we are trending in the right direction.
Cathy: Correct. And that’s a long game thing, too. Like, Todd, do you remember, I mean, I’m going way back 80s, 90s, but the crack epidemic?
Cathy: Sure. And since then, we’ve had the opioid epidemic. There’s been others. So, it’s not, you know, again, no denial of the reality. But we then, now everybody knows what Narcon is. Is that what it’s called? Narcon?
Todd: God, I should know this [00:19:00] because I’ve been going, I’ve been participating in these webinars in the construction industry.
Todd: I’ll, I’ll, I’ll Google it. But yeah, there are some medications that should be in workplaces and maybe even homes where there’s potential for, uh, Opioid overdoses and it’s just like nasal inhaler.
Cathy: Oh, it’s an inhaler. Yeah.
Todd: And, uh, and that helps them not die. And it’s super effective. Right. You just need it available in that moment.
Todd: And one of the things I’m trying to do in my other world, which is called JBI in the construction industry. is how to get our employers to have this stuff in job sites at the plants because, you know, you just don’t know when it’s going to happen.
Cathy: Well, let’s make the connection there. A lot of people in job sites in the plants have been, they have, um, physical injuries and so they’re going to be more likely to have had taken opioids, which then they’re more likely to have been addicted.
Cathy: And so not, not. by their own fault, but because it’s an addictive drug and sometimes they’re given it by doctors who [00:20:00] don’t have the whole story, right?
Yeah.
Cathy: And then you, there’s a likelihood there that they may need something, you know, and, um, to make sure that they see, just like the defibrillators that came along.
Cathy: Remember when those were put everywhere? Yeah. I know is, you know, my dad had two heart attacks in his life. So those are the kinds of things that those things didn’t exist when my dad was having heart attacks. The two
Todd: words are Naloxone. Naloxone. Naloxone. Naloxone. But the, and the, the, the brand is called Narcan.
Todd: Okay. Narcan. N A R C
Cathy: A N. I was saying Narcan. Yeah. So it’s Narcan. Yes. And so these are just things, I think sometimes when we’re focused too much on the big picture or one thing, we forget that there’s all sorts of things happening underneath that are like helping people and helping people live longer and, and you know, it’s, again, We can do many things at once.
Cathy: Things can be very paradoxical. We can be very worried about one aspect of life and then be very optimistic about another. And the one that we’re optimistic about gives us the [00:21:00] energy to tackle the things that challenge us. So don’t believe that you have to be, you know, wallowing all the time. There’s things that can help us be active.
Cathy: So you ready for number two? It’s a little less heady. It’s a little more chill. It’s about entertainment. Okay. So one thing I want to say is that Because, okay, so we all know that basically the only movies in the theaters are Marvel movies, right? Todd and I love to go to movies and we then sometimes will be like, we have a date, so let’s go to a movie.
Cathy: And we don’t know any of the movies that are in the theater. And they’re
Todd: probably not very good.
Cathy: And even the ones that are there, we’re like, I’ve never even heard of this. Now, the season we just came out of or that we’re in right now, a lot of the award movies are in the theater. And then in the summer you have a blockbuster or two.
Cathy: But just on your average, like March. Fourth, it’s hard to find a movie. So, but with that said, there, because things are digital platforms and technology has made it easier and cheaper to share movies, that means that independent filmmakers are more [00:22:00] capable of reaching their audiences, right? And we can take You know, the big, the big, big, big production companies may not give money to something, is something like Pulp Fiction.
Cathy: I mean, you know, like, there may not have been someone who supported Pulp Fiction or Quentin Tarantino if he came along right now. They may say like, oh no, that’s too, um, you know, that’s too, we don’t understand it or no one’s seen it, so we’re not going to do it. Um, But now we have all these independent filmmakers and production companies that are like, we will finance this because we can do it for cheaper.
Cathy: We can get it to audiences faster. And what does that mean? That means that independent filmmakers are getting their vision seen by people, so people’s lives that we don’t know about, you know, people’s experiences that we’ve never seen before all over the globe, we’re getting to see. And these are the things that entertainment wakes people up to people’s experiences.
Cathy: Yeah,
Todd: don’t underestimate the impact of it, right?
Cathy: Yeah. Like that whole Will and Grace [00:23:00] thing.
Todd: Yeah, exactly.
Cathy: You know, like Malcolm Gladwell did a, um, Yeah, that was good. It was in his book, but he also talked about it on his podcast that really one of the biggest shifts I’m, I’m summarizing this very briefly, but in our culture, as far as same sex marriage was the fact that so many people were watching Will and Grace.
Cathy: And so people had a different perspective on what. relationships looked like when it came to gay men, and it like changed the way people thought. And so now, are we reaching a mass audience like Will Grace did? Maybe not, but there’s been some really interesting movies that are up for Best Picture this year that, you know, you know, they’re made by people who maybe wouldn’t have been in the industry otherwise.
Cathy: So anyway, that’s so, but now Todd, let’s talk about our TV shows. Okay.
Todd: You ready? What do you want me to do?
Cathy: Well, let me say this first, 2025 everybody, some of our favorite shows are coming back. So Todd, play something so we can. All right.
Todd: So see if you know what show this is the [00:24:00] theme from.
Todd: I’m just going to let it play, but why don’t we. In the background? Yeah, why don’t you just.
Cathy: Doesn’t it give you the vibe of the show so much? Yeah, it’s a, it’s a, yes. It’s great. Yeah. And this is from? Severance. Severance. Right. So we loved Severance Season 1, and actually Season 2 came out this weekend, but Todd was gone and I was watching football games.
Cathy: So I haven’t watched it, but maybe today? Mm hmm. Tonight? But then there’s a Notre Dame game tonight too. But anyway.
Todd: Don’t say that to Ohio State, Ben.
Cathy: Ohio State, sorry. Sorry, everybody. I’m only saying Notre Dame because I live closer to where Notre Dame
Todd: is. Yes.
Cathy: Is that good enough? Yeah, it’s fine. Who cares?
Cathy: Okay. Um, so Severance. So for those of you who have never watched Severance, I highly recommend it. What would you say about it?
Todd: Uh, what I [00:25:00] would say about Severance is that, uh, I’m not, I’m too lazy to rewatch it. I remember being like, eh, it’s kind of good, but the finale was ridiculous. Ridiculous. It was so good.
Todd: Um, like it was by far, for me, the best episode of the series. Yeah. Yeah. But it was, it was really good. I think these other people in my family like it better than I do.
Cathy: Yeah, we, we love it. So, okay, so that one. So what’s the next show we watch?
Todd: Let’s do this one.
Todd: This is a hard one. I never would have gotten this one.
Cathy: But as it gets going, yeah, because people will know this part, don’t you think?
Todd: I don’t know if it’s, I mean, I know a lot of people watch this show. So this is a returning series or miniseries. I don’t know what to call this. It’s like a returning show, I think we can say.
Todd: I never would have gotten this one. What is it? This is White Lotus. White Lotus.
Cathy: Yeah, and White Lotus is also one of our favorites, um, and this year they’re in Thailand, I think?
Todd: Could be.
Cathy: So [00:26:00] they’re always in a different location, but it always has a similar vibe and it’s about relationships and about, you know, well, I don’t know what it’s about this season.
Cathy: I gotta be honest with you, but I know it’s coming back and that’s, I just like getting excited about a show. Like if Todd and I are watching something and especially something like Severance that only drops every Sunday, that we have it. Or Saturday. I don’t remember when it dropped this weekend, but they were like, we can watch this.
Cathy: Yeah. Because it makes the day so much more fun. I
Todd: totally agree. And it’s funny, sometimes I, I like looking forward to a show and reflecting back on the show as much as I do watching the show. I know. And I don’t know if that’s like, okay, Tide, time to get present. Like this thing that you look forward to and reflect back on, like the experience itself should probably be the best thing, but.
Todd: Anyways, I don’t
Cathy: know. One of my teachers in high school told me that really what life is, is nostalgia and uh, goals. Yeah. Like what you want. And again, I don’t know that I necessarily agree with that because [00:27:00] I really do believe with mindfulness and being present, but that’s what our brain runs on. Yeah.
Cathy: You know? Right. We love nostalgia and that’s, and we love being like, what’s coming next? So I don’t think you’re different than most people.
Todd: You ready for the next one?
Cathy: Yes.
Totally picked some to buy for this show
Cathy: too. It
was cool, nothing flyer, nothing new. Simple, nothing tired, nothing old. And the name
Todd: of this show is Yellow Jackets. This
Cathy: is one of my all time favorites.
Todd: Um, yeah, it’s a very good show.
Cathy: And I have no idea where they’re going this season, either. I’m trying to not read.
Cathy: I’ve tended, historically, been a reader about movies and shows, and then I know too much, because now, like, trailers and everything give everything away. Yeah. Um, so, but we love Yellow Jackets. This is [00:28:00] season three. Um, the only thing I do know is that Juliette Lewis dot, um, oh,
Todd: Juliette Lewis is an amazing actress
Cathy: who may not be in the show this year.
Cathy: Um, but anyway, that’s the only thing that I know for sure. But, um, I don’t know. The only reason I stopped myself is maybe someone hasn’t watched any Yellow Jackets yet. So, but other than that, um, this is the granddaddy. Yeah,
Todd: this also captures the vibe of the show. Oh, and I still haven’t seen all of season one yet.
Cathy: Oh, Todd, how is that possible? I don’t know.
Todd: And for those of you who have been living under a rock for the last five or six years, the name of the show is called, go ahead, sweetie. Stranger Things. And the best person on that show is obviously Dustin.
Cathy: Oh, that’s, you know, I love Dustin, but there’s a lot of great characters. I love Steve. Um, so. [00:29:00] So let me ask you this.
Cathy: Yes.
Todd: Amongst those four, four shows, which are you most excited for? And then which do you think might be the most likely to be of a disappointment?
Cathy: Ooh, gosh, I, okay, so I’m most excited about Stranger Things just because it, it feeds me the most. I’d say Yellow Jackets is second. Oh, interesting. Yeah, uh, Let’s see.
Cathy: Disappointment? I don’t want to think about it that way. I’m
Todd: going to say White Lotus because I loved Season 1. Season 2 was good and I, they’re, they’re, they’re trending downward for me. Oh really? Well
Cathy: maybe it’ll trend back up.
Todd: Yeah, who knows. So anyways, those are our four. exciting shows that we are going to be watching sometime in 2025.
Todd: So
Cathy: look forward to your shows. Maybe there’s shows, obviously, that we didn’t mention. There’s plenty of things. Um, but, you know, make that something that you enjoy. Because the reason I enjoy those four shows is they are a study of of people and connection and disconnection. [00:30:00] And there’s a theme that runs through all of those shows for me.
Cathy: Yeah. It’s not just, you know, I can’t stand, I know everybody loves, I don’t even want to say the shows that people tell me to watch because I don’t want to put them down. But there’s certain shows people are like, you got to watch this. And I’m like, there’s not the thread that I’m looking
Todd: for. And I’ll just say that, uh, you know, a lot of times Uh, parents are like, I just can’t connect with my kid.
Todd: And the, one of the ways that we connect with our kids is we watch shows together. We talk about these shows. If they happen, some of them, some of our kids are in college, but it’s still, um, a vehicle connection.
Cathy: Yeah.
Todd: Yeah,
Cathy: it is. So, okay. Ready for number three, Todd, we’ll go a little faster. Um, number three is I just want to, again, we’re doing five reasons to be optimistic.
Cathy: And number three is about menopause and women’s health. Okay. And the reason I’m going to say I’m optimistic is because now there’s such an understanding, uh, uh, talking about menopause where we still have a lot of research and a lot of things we need to do to support women. I don’t know if it’s trickled down [00:31:00] to doctor’s offices yet where, you know, they have a better understanding, um, general practitioners of what women need when they’re, you know, Pre menopausal or, excuse me, perimenopausal or menopausal, but just the conversations around it have changed so much and we’re going in the right direction.
Cathy: Like there has been so, you know, something that I didn’t even know until the last couple years is the lack of research when it comes to women and their health that men over, have been, historically have been researched when it comes to pharmaceuticals and when it comes, in event, you know. New inventions in, you know, health care, and women haven’t even been considered.
Cathy: And so now there’s a little more focus on women’s needs, um, and again, it’s a long game. We got a lot of catching up to do, but at least we’re talking about it, and I’m very optimistic that we’re going to keep going in that direction. Todd, do you know, just to like give people an idea of how this has affected women, um, did you know that When it came to Ambien, [00:32:00] they were, they did all the, so Ambien is a sleep medication.
Cathy: They did all the research on men. Okay? Come to find out that women, their dosage needs to be cut in half. And for years, women were taking the same dosage of, of, as men. And when they’d wake up in the morning, They would still be drugged, and it was leading to a bunch of car accidents that women were having, even though they were taking the medication as prescribed to them, and all of this, and all of it, this led to more research around Ambien and women, which then led us to, oh, they don’t, because of the way their body is, they don’t need as much.
Cathy: Isn’t that ridiculous? That roundabout way? Well, and, and I’m sure
Todd: the scientists adjusted for, you know, um, how big a person is, because guys sometimes are a little bit bigger. But, but it sounds like what you’re saying is just the constitution of a woman’s body. Body [00:33:00] deals with Ambien differently.
Cathy: It says, research has shown that women metabolize Ambien differently and much more slowly.
Cathy: So interesting than men. Yeah. And so the difference can lead to higher blood levels of the drug for a longer period of time after taking the same dose. Yeah. So. That is just an example of many, many examples where women are just kind of flying by the seat of our pants. We’re just trusting. Yeah, okay. This is what we all take, but it, the research wasn’t done on us.
Cathy: Yeah. Yeah. So my Optum, while that frustrates me and makes me angry, my optimism is there’s a spotlight on all of this now. Yeah. Let’s,
Todd: let’s look at it and let’s get it better. And you know, the, I’m not justifying this, but I think the reason. That these scientists or researchers test men is because the woman’s cycle.
Todd: So like, can we not figure out how to test women even though the woman has a cycle? It’s ridiculous. It
Cathy: simplifies it for researchers who they’re like, we just test men, then we don’t have to consider it. We’re going to forget about
Todd: the other half of the population.
Cathy: Correct. It’s insane. But that’s the thing is if there’s no spotlight on it, then no one’s questioning it.
Cathy: And they can do their, you know, their research and say, [00:34:00] Hey, we got a new pharmaceutical. And it, you know, so anyway. So. That’s number three. I’m optimistic about that. Number four, the focus now. on emotional intelligence when it comes to how we raise our kids. You know, Todd and I have been doing this podcast for about 14 years.
Cathy: And, um, some of you have been listening the whole time. Thank you. But for those of you that are newer, we were talking about things like mindfulness and self awareness and emotional intelligence 14 years ago. And it was kind of cut when I say cutting edge, I don’t mean we came up with it. I just mean people pushed back on it a lot.
Cathy: Sure. We had a lot of like questioning and Where’s the research with that? Like, for example, I have been teaching at a university for 14 years. And when I first started talking to my students about mindfulness and emotional awareness and all of these things, um, I didn’t have a lot of research. So I had to just really say, Trust me.
Cathy: Trust me. And doesn’t this feel better? I used to say that all the time. And, and I’m not saying I wasn’t, I wasn’t offering theory that was being [00:35:00] presented by other, you know, scientists and researchers, but there wasn’t a lot of research. Do you see what I mean? Sure. And now we just have so much data and parents have such a better understanding of their own emotional intelligence or emotional awareness regulation and what they’re passing on to their kids.
Cathy: And that’s going to make a really big difference in how we relate to each other. No doubt. I think we need to see the long game. Yeah. In emotional awareness, talking about trauma, um, this is big.
Todd: Yeah, and I feel that, um, no matter how fast technology advances because of AI, I don’t think, I don’t care how smart a computer is, In helping somebody through a challenge, I think we’re wired to have human connection.
Todd: So, my hope is that there’s all these jobs that will pop up because computers are not equipped to do what us human beings can do when it comes to human to human interaction.
Cathy: I 100 percent agree. I tell my social work students that all the time, that I’m like, [00:36:00] obviously there’s some aspects of social work that, you know, data and that kind of thing that can be taken by AI.
Cathy: But if they are becoming therapists, or they’re working with human beings, or they’re working in organizations, or activism, they will always have jobs. You know, like, this is, there, there are some things that necessitate human interaction.
Todd: Even though there’s that robot, and I think in Empire Strikes Back, that put Luke’s hand back on.
Todd: Maybe that robot was better than, uh, human beings. Well, he’s, but he’s a doctor. Yeah. Not, not Remember the, remember the female robot that helped Padme, Padme, um, deliver Luke and Leia?
Cathy: Luke!
Todd: She was, yeah, but Leia!
Cathy: I always
Todd: make fun of that part. I know, but there’s, but they, but George Lucas or whoever had kind of, um, A nurturing looking robot, droid, and she had that soft voice, so anyways.
Cathy: Well, that’s the thing, is like, those are things that, and again, those are fictional stories by the way, but those are things that, yes, we can have help with that. We [00:37:00] just watched Interstellar, and that, you know, robot, what was it called? It was such an interesting robot. Yeah.
Todd: And he had that normal voice.
Cathy: Yeah. You know, there, of course, there are things coming where it’s going to humanize, but there’s the way we are created, the way human beings are created is we need connection from other human beings. Even having the screens between us is not good enough. We need touch. We need conversation. We need, we need that to thrive.
Cathy: You know, like, I hate that we have the, um, research around failure to thrive, because it’s gross the way we got this information, but we found that if you don’t touch babies, they don’t live. And you know, we have that information and that doesn’t just mean babies. That means human beings. We need touch. We need compassion.
Cathy: We need support from people who are in front of us. No doubt. We’re built for it. Number five. So the last one is just about our ability to adapt and be resilient. I, I think, especially when it comes to [00:38:00] things like leadership, um, you know, for those of you who are not super optimistic about the leadership we’re seeing in many places, um, I think we, as a society are learning to adapt and be resilient faster.
Cathy: And I don’t mean adapt to poor leadership. I mean to find new ways to lead, to be creative in the way that we lead. Todd and I are, um, if you come to the conference this weekend on Friday night, we’re doing, it’s kind of a, uh, you know, a talk about how to lead in our homes, like how to connect in a certain way, how to.
Cathy: adapt to what our children are going through, how to recognize how to communicate with the people in our home and in our community. Like there are ways to be resilient in this area. And I think we’re doing it faster. And I think a lot of that has to do with we have no choice. And I also think it has to do with the way we can connect with people online so we can, you know, organize more quickly.
Cathy: And I [00:39:00] also think we’re understanding it’s a necessity that, okay. you know, we need to be a little more grassroots and creative.
Todd: Um, speaking of ADAPT, sweetie, you wrote a book. I did. It’s called Restoring Our Girls. And in the section where you say a guide for real conversations, there’s a section called ADAPT.
Cathy: So
Todd: one of the things that we need to do as parents to help guide these real conversations is to be adaptable. I’m just going to read one paragraph. Um, the different sections under the ADAPT header is expectations, uh, C. LGBTQ um, so anyways, I just want to read this one paragraph. You ready? It says, and this is under the C.
Cathy: Subset.
Todd: Yeah. In Zen Buddhism, it’s taught that if we simply name something like a tree, we miss out on truly experiencing the tree. But if we observe a tree without the word tree, we find it fascinating and unique. Similarly, when we see our daughters beyond just their grades or extracurricular activities, [00:40:00] we open ourselves up to experiencing them in a new light as intriguing, interesting people.
Todd: This helps us see them as they are instead of who we expect them to be. Yeah,
Cathy: so that’s the micro level of like in our own home, when we’re looking at our kids and our expectation is they talk a certain way and do certain things and get certain grades. We are not seeing them. We are just living our expectations and forcing it on them.
Cathy: So that’s you know, and to expand our awareness as we start to notice them as people, right? And we can say that in the macro level too for our communities, our school, our, you know, leadership, our government is, um, how do we do this different? How do we not get super focused on it has to work this way and this has to happen for things to go well and, and to be more creative in how we start to shift things.
Cathy: I know what’s kept me at peace for the last couple months. Has been the understanding that it starts in our homes, and [00:41:00] I already, you and I, this is our work, and the more that we can help people, you know, with their connection, with the people they care about, with their schools, with their, you know, community relationships, with this more of a grassroots effort, again, it’s a long game.
Cathy: But I feel like we’re pushing in the right direction and that trying to do the same old things, if we don’t adapt, then we’re just going to hit walls because it’s a new time. And I say that with optimism. I don’t say that with, Oh, it’s a new time. You know, I’m trying to, um, this is how I get my energy to keep going.
Cathy: So if I wallow in my disappointment or fear, I won’t do anything. And if I, If I think about what’s possible, then we do this podcast. We have virtual, uh, community and classes. We have a conference that we’re doing on Friday. Like it helps me keep doing what needs to be done.
Yeah. [00:42:00]
Cathy: Um, and hopefully shedding some light and sunshine in places that feel dark.
Todd: So a few other things to feel optimistic about. This is from the CBS Sunday morning. Just, they just kind of like rattle off a few quick things and see if it works.
That’s all the time we have. We won’t be able to mention the 24 states that raised their minimum wage this year, how the UK shut down its last coal plant, how you can now renew your passport online, the 800 school districts now using electric school buses for cleaner air and fewer child asthma cases, the first successful return from the dark side of the moon, how the hole in the ozone layer is healing faster than anyone expected, or the Postal Service’s new mail trucks.
They may have a little bit of a platypus vibe, but they finally offer airbags, air conditioning, side doors for unloading, anti collision systems, and most of them will be electric. Have a joyous new year.
Cathy: That’s such an excellent way to end this, Todd. Is it? Yes, like, [00:43:00] you know why? Because first of all, those are all things that are true.
Yeah.
Cathy: And the ozone layer, for being a Gen Xer, that was what terrified us. It was like one of the first things. Do you remember hearing about the ozone layer? Because that’s when people started wearing sunscreen, like we used to put on, um, You know, baby oil and not worry about what the sun did to us. Did you ever do that?
Cathy: Of course. Like, I used to get so tan, Todd. Like, there’s a reason why I go to the dermatologist every year. Because what I’ve done to my skin
Todd: over
Cathy: the
Todd: years. That’s one thing I think our daughters know better than you. Totally different. Like they’re smarter about that than we were.
Cathy: I think I stopped doing it in my 20s.
Cathy: Like it’s been years. Wouldn’t you
Todd: get like burnt? Yes! So you put on oil to get burnt. Yeah, but. Because I know what happens after you get that like golden bronze stuff. I just think that’s weird.
Cathy: Well, and again, this is different for different people. I don’t really burn that easily. Like my skin tone is kind of yellow.
Cathy: And so, um, and I mean that in a good way. [00:44:00] I like it.
Todd: Yeah. Yeah, somebody who has very little pigmentation. They get, you know, we have all, we all have friends that are from Ireland, Irish descent, and they’re like putting block on like crazy.
Cathy: Totally. Or they have red hair. They, you know, and I’m, I’m, I’m many things, but I’m Italian and I’m a little darker.
Cathy: And like looking at you and I right now in the, if people are watching YouTube, look at your skin compared to mine. You’re so much more Nordic. You’re so much more Norwegian. Sure. You know what I mean? Um, and so. But let me go back to, you know, the ozone. That was what was terrifying besides the fact of what it was doing to our skin and that we have to be thoughtful about skin cancer.
Cathy: Um, it’s closing. Yeah. And this is something that they were like, it’s never gonna, and, and I don’t know if that’s because of the things we’re doing on earth. I don’t know if that’s something we’ve done. I, I don’t have the answer. Right. Um, but things change and they change in a scary way sometimes. And we have to deal with consequences like, you know, forest fire, like the fires in LA, which has [00:45:00] been.
Cathy: You know, so awful and, um, scary. And even though there’s many reasons for it, climate change is definitely one of them. Um, and then we also have the, these creative impulses. Like I remember seeing, this was years ago, but this guy who made this machine He could go into the oceans and just scoop up garbage.
Cathy: And I don’t mean like just a little bit, I mean like vast amounts of garbage. And I was like, that doesn’t mean we can throw garbage in the ocean. It just means people are figuring out ways to clean up what we’ve done.
Todd: Yeah. Advancement technology, science. Uh, we don’t know what. What it will reveal.
Todd: Remember that part in Back to the Future? I think part two where Doc puts the garbage in and that is what powers the DeLorean. Yeah. In part one, it’s plutonium or something. In part two, he throws garbage in there.
Cathy: Totally. And you know, Even though, I don’t even care that this has been politicized, things like vaccines, like, [00:46:00] that’s saving people’s lives.
Cathy: And they’re, and they’re happening so much faster, and, you know, keeping, you know, keeping with science, like, allowing people to live longer and not have such awful diseases, and,
Todd: well, a hundred years ago, I think a lot of people in the 1920s were worried about polio. Right! And that’s, we’re worried about a lot of other things that we no longer worry about.
Todd: So right now in 2025, we’re probably worried about a lot of stuff. And a hundred years from now like, oh, those people, think about what they’re worried about.
Cathy: And our worry or our fears, if channeled in a way that is not, That can be helpful be helpful is what makes the change. That’s right So it’s our worry and our fear that we sit with it and say what can I do?
Cathy: And and I think that you know for this podcast or the work that Todd and I do What can we do? From afar we can support families and remind them that they have what it takes and remind them to connect with their kids and remind Them like it’s it’s a long game and it’s [00:47:00] small shifts But it does you know, I just got an email Uh, two days ago about somebody who said that, um, they’ve been listening forever and their kid is now in college and the kid loves coming home and they have this great relationship and it’s because of what she did, you know, in the past 10 years to nurture this relationship.
Cathy: Pays dividends. It makes a difference.
Todd: Sure it does.
Cathy: And um, and there’s plenty of people doing everybody has, is doing work to make this world a better place. I mean, some people are trying to tear it down, but we have to have, you know, black, uh, dark and light, right?
Todd: That’s right. So speaking of doing work to try to better the world, I just got, uh, home from, uh, Men Living Weekend, and we had 21 men who came together to laugh, And to feel our feelings, and to have fun, and to cry, and to connect, and to connect with ourselves, and each other, and Mother Nature, and play floor hockey, which I did.
Todd: Hockey. Hockey. I’m [00:48:00] still a little sore from that. Yeah. Um, There’s some wonderful pieces on self compassion, which I think is such a foundational piece of personal growth. Um, but anyways, the one quick story I wanted to share is this one that was led by my best friend, or one of my best friends, Frank Nago.
Todd: Male friend. Sweetie, you’re my best friend. Don’t you worry about that. Aw, Um, he, um, He did, he, there’s a lot of journaling, there’s a lot of downtime on this weekend, and I’m not that much of a fan of journaling and downtime as some others. But I did it because I was there and it was time to journal. So the doodleful one is journaling with these prompts, blah, blah, blah.
Todd: And then just like when I was about to close the book, um, I wasn’t even answering the prompts, but I just wrote these words down and it’s going to be, I think my mantra for 2025. Originally it was, well, it was. Eliminate [00:49:00] distractions and investigate priorities. But I have since modified it to reduce distractions.
Todd: Because it’s not possible to eliminate distractions. So I’m going to reduce distractions and I’m going to investigate my priorities. And the reason that that’s meaningful to me is I Get distracted very easily as it turns out. Not as easily as some other people in my life who I won’t name and I’m talking about a few buddies of mine, but I get distracted and I really want like you and I just came home from yoga and we were talking I want to fill up my water bottle.
Todd: And I just kind of interrupted. I’m like, let me, before we walk out, I want to fill up the water bottle. And I came back to you exactly where we left off in the conversation. Correct. And I usually don’t do that.
Cathy: Right. Well, I feel like we had an argument about this like a week ago. We
Todd: did. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. So my goal is to have less arguments with my sweetie.
Todd: And one of the ways that that happens is by reducing the distractions, maybe [00:50:00] interrupting you less or whatever. But then the investigate priorities is really concise for me because sometimes Skyler will come home from school and be talking to you. And I’ll be like, well, I could either go talk to her or I can finish this email.
And I’ll
Todd: be like, And I just want to continue to, like, investigate how I’m prioritizing my time. Like, last night, we have a very busy week ahead of us, right?
Cathy: Yes, we do. And I
Todd: just got back from this Men Living weekend, and I gotta go to Vegas for work, and I, the, the, the The dutiful one in me says the responsible move is for us to go to bed early, and me start checking things off my list, and instead, we watched TV and had some drinks.
Cathy: Yes, we had so much fun.
Todd: On a Sunday night, which is really weird for you and I. Mm
Cathy: hmm.
Todd: Uh, but because, uh, there was no school on Monday morning. So anyways, and I don’t even remember, like, consciously deciding that because I wrote these four words down in a journal. I just like, hey, what if we just, what if we just had, like, a date?
Todd: A fun date night, [00:51:00] which we rarely ever do on a Sunday. Right. We always save it for Friday and it for Friday and Saturday. And I’m so glad we did that. I know. It was a great way to start out the week. So much good football, and then
Cathy: we had good food. We got more football tonight. Go, go Notre Dame. And Todd sat with me in my chair.
Cathy: I did. This loveseat that I always sit in. And it is for two people, but I tend to get it to myself because I like to She does. Like, move my legs in a certain way. But Todd sat with me. But yeah, I, I think that that’s excellent. And I think, um, I think that’s great. I appreciate that.
Todd: Um, so, um, we have some sponsors for the conference in the next, you know, five or six weeks, I’m going to be talking about each one of them individually, but I just want to give a shout out to the companies and organizations that have sponsored Sponsored ZenCon 25.
Todd: Uh, Wicked Awesome Dads Counseling. Thank you so much. FFC, which is where we play yo where we play yoga. Where we practice yoga. That’s, and that stands for? Uh, Fitness Formula Club, I think. Science Olympiad. Our friend Jenny Kopac. Uh, Ameriprise. That’s [00:52:00] sweet. David Serrano, um, Avid Company, can’t forget about Jeremy Kraft, he’s a bald headed beauty.
Todd: Um, and Spiritual Playdate, my friend Edwina, and I See You Mama, our friend Kara, is, they’re all sponsoring the ZenCon 25. So I’m going to give them all individual shout outs in the upcoming weeks, but I just, I thought it would be kind of nice to just hear them.
Cathy: Again, a group of people there who are all doing wonderful things in very different areas.
Cathy: Yes. You know, health and fitness, finance, um, you know, connection, family, like, you know, everybody, I can’t think of a better time to say, if there’s something, you know, you want to contribute to this world, I don’t care. If you’re, you know, in college listening to this, you know, go in that direction. Or if you’re our age, I’m 53, um, keep going in that direction or shift to what you love.
Cathy: Um, and. You know, we need you.
Todd: We need you. Uh, we’ll do a recap of the ZenCon 25 next Tuesday, but hopefully you join us Friday, Saturday night. Can’t wait to see you. Keep [00:53:00] driving.