[00:00:00]
Todd: Welcome back to another episode of Zen Parenting Radio. This is podcast number, I’m not going to tell you why, because I’m going to tell you a joke instead.
Cathy: Oh, I want to hear it.
Todd: Why is six afraid of seven,
Cathy: seven, eight, nine.
Todd: That’s what podcast number. This is.
Cathy: Nice. And I graduated in 1989.
Todd: And Taylor Swift was born in 1989.
Todd: These
Cathy: are many good things.
Todd: Um, we have a title for this podcast, which we rarely do. We usually come up with a title after, but we decided to set an intention for this podcast. Uh, and we’re doing that by knowing what the title is. Sweetie, share with the audience what the title is.
Cathy: 30 seconds. No, not seconds.
Cathy: 30 minutes of calm.
Todd: 30 minutes. And I’m [00:01:00] even using like my NPR radio voice. We do. Do you hear that? We
Cathy: did that naturally. That’s
Todd: how we do it. We talk
Cathy: like this. We’re like, this is so calm.
Todd: This is very calm.
Cathy: We need calm today.
Todd: I wish I would have pulled up a bunch of calm sounds. You can find them
Cathy: while
Todd: soundboard.
Todd: Jaws theme. No, don’t
Cathy: play
Todd: that. Evil laugh. Nope. Wah, wah. Nope. Cash register.
Cathy: Nope.
Todd: Backup. Booze. No,
Cathy: that’s loud in my ears. All
Todd: of them are pretty negative. So we’re not going to use it because it would not fit into the 30 minutes of calm. We are recording this on Saturday, November 2nd. It’s going up on Tuesday, November 5th, which if you’re listening way after the fact, um, the election between Kamala Harris and, uh, Donald Trump, uh, is happening today.
Todd: So we just decided that we wanted to bring some calm to what We’re assuming
Cathy: just in case people are standing in line voting and they just need some calm or maybe they listen to this after [00:02:00] the fact and they just want 30 minutes of calm. So let’s do that. And on top of that, Todd and I are not going to try and like talk to you about the conference or my book or anything.
Cathy: We’re just going to do 30 minutes of calm.
Todd: We’re not going to, uh, buy anything, sell anything, process anything, sold or bought just like Lloyd Dobler.
I’ve thought about this quite a bit, sir, and I would have to say considering what’s waiting out there for me. I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career.
I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.
Todd: And we don’t want
Cathy: to do that
Todd: today. We’re not selling anything other than call.
Cathy: Okay. So you watch in the clock. So we know when 30 minutes has come.
Todd: We’re two minutes and 49 seconds. We got a little time. We’re literally going to press stop at 30 minutes, even if we’re mid. What
Cathy: if I mid, what if I’ve got a deep thought? [00:03:00] 29, 52.
Todd: Uh, sorry, sweetie. I mean, you’ll get eight seconds of it.
Cathy: Okay.
Todd: This is my study music.
Cathy: Is it the beta waves?
Todd: It’s study music, concentration, focus, meditation.
Cathy: I do one with beta waves.
Todd: We should just have this in the background of our entire podcast in the same way they have the sound of the airplane in the movie airplane. You can always hear the jets.
Cathy: Right.
Todd: But we, that’ll be distracting.
Todd: Very
Cathy: different situation.
Todd: Yeah.
Cathy: Um, or should we just keep this? Behind their podcast. I’ve heard people do that. Let’s just
Todd: try this for a minute. See what happens and continue with our con, with our podcast.
Cathy: I’m not sure I’m going to like it.
Todd: Well, can I ask you a question first? Sure. Um, are we going to talk about your Zen Parenting moment of optimism and Okay.
Todd: So that doesn’t belong.
Cathy: Nope. Doesn’t belong today.
Todd: So. We talked a little bit about self compassion.
Cathy: Sure. Actually, that’s what we’re going to, that’s, I think where we should just dig in
Todd: and, and before we dig in, why do we think it’s important to practice self compassion on a day like today?
Cathy: [00:04:00] Yeah. On any day where you’re feeling like a little, um, anxiety or overwhelm, or you’re waking up to something big, um, It’s a good opportunity to recognize why self compassion can help you get back on.
Cathy: And when I say back on track, I don’t mean more productive or anything. I mean, get you back online, because I think that’s something that happens. And I will, you know, you were just saying, I just said, let’s not talk about my Zen parenting moment. And I don’t want to dig into the writing, but I did talk about.
Cathy: You know, optimism and fear and how there’s a paradox because they actually are interesting together. And sometimes when we’re afraid, it, you know, can push us to do something and that can make us more hopeful about outcomes now. But to get from that fear to optimism. We need some self compassion. There’s, there’s a bit of a bridge there because I know that when I get very fearful, I get stuck, I [00:05:00] get paralyzed.
Cathy: I become like, um, I’m a, you know, some people are a fight, flight, fawn, I’m freeze.
Todd: So he freezes it up.
Cathy: I do. And I tend to like, want to sit in a chair and just scroll or go on a walk and pretend nothing’s going on. Or, um, you know, I just get. I, the feelings are so much like, so much so that like, even loud noises bother me, like my whole body gets uncomfortable.
Cathy: And that stage, uh, or being afraid, this isn’t a problem. The whole idea of self compassion is not to avoid fear. Self compassion is what can keep you online so you can keep taking steps forward. That’s all.
Todd: Well, and it’s funny. I, uh, actually, I, you know, on the spectrum of being walled off and firm boundaries on the, on the opposite side of the spectrum is being spongy and you’re a little spongier than I am.
Cathy: Correct.
Todd: Fair to say.
Cathy: I think that I, you know, we did a podcast, um, a couple of weeks ago about anxiety spirals. [00:06:00] And I think that’s more common for me. And I think what that looked like for me is just sometimes when I’m already in that place of where I’m anxious, it’s hard for me to like, Get out of it.
Cathy: Like I just, I start to spin and a few things it needs to happen either something significant needs to change in my, you know, in my life where like, I don’t feel that anxiety, or I need to go to bed, or I need to have someone help me talk through it or I need to have a good cry like it’s can be challenging to get out of it.
Cathy: Um, and so. These practices that we’re going to talk about right now that are very heavily, highly researched, and you’ve probably heard them before. Um, you know, I’m not always a fan of talking about the same thing over and over again. I like to bring in new ideas, but what I know for sure is that as much as I know about self compassion, I talk about it all the time.
Cathy: I write about it. I teach my college students about it. Todd and I talk about it, and I still have to, um, Be a good [00:07:00] practitioner. It’s one thing to talk about it. It’s another thing to do it.
Todd: Well, and self compassion falls right into that. So if I were going to categorize me, I’m probably more on the compartmentalized, more boundaried side, and you’re on the more spongy side.
Todd: And there’s times when I’m like, I really wish I. could feel more. And there’s probably times where you’re like, I wish I could just forget about this stuff the way Todd does.
Cathy: Yeah. I wish I could compartmentalize a little better.
Todd: And that’s the foundation for today of what self compassion is. Instead of me wishing I were more like you, can I radically accept myself for how my nervous system deals with because I find myself sometimes being Being really wanting me to be different.
Todd: And what’s interesting is them, which weird is the best path for me making those shifts towards feeling more is by radical self acceptance. And I think what [00:08:00] I usually do, and I will speak for most, what most people usually do is like, I wish I was different and they just leap over it without really accepting where you are.
Todd: And hold on one more thing. Okay. And in my world, when I’m trying to make shifts around something, and this is from one of my teachers, it’s awareness of what’s happening and acceptance. And if I can make shifts from those places first, I’m more likely to make the shift.
Cathy: Yes. I think every, I agree with every single thing you said.
Cathy: Period, end
Todd: of sentence. No,
Cathy: I think the reason I took a breath is because the, This is not the case for all people. I think there’s some people who are thinking just like you, but I’m less self critical and I’m more wanting the outside world to change. So you’re talking about you judging yourself. And I, that’s not real.
Cathy: I mean, sometimes, but think about me. I’m very rarely like, Oh, I wish I was different. That’s not my thing. Sometimes I, I mean, yes. Sometimes I wish I could [00:09:00] compartmentalize a little bit. But I’m more like, why are things the way they are? What could I be doing? How can I be changing this? Um, Why don’t people understand?
Cathy: You know, there’s a external issue and that’s what gets me into spirals.
Todd: Because you have no control over the outside world.
Cathy: True. Um, but thus the definition of a spiral is that you can know that You can be like, I don’t have control and we can use all the data and I can show the circles of influence.
Cathy: And that doesn’t mean you feel your
Todd: nervous system still wants that control,
Cathy: correct? So there is. So for those of you listening, some of you may feel like Todd, that you’re self judgmental. I feel more frustrated with the external challenge with, or concerned. About somebody else. Like I’m sometimes my spirals are around, how can I help this person?
Cathy: Or I wish they weren’t so sad, or how can I get them through this? And so it’s very like, um, continuing on the [00:10:00] path of like what Todd said outside of my control, but I can’t help, but run it through my system. So, so I just want to give a little bit of an overview kind of off the top of my head about. Self compassion research.
Cathy: So what I will say is that, um, historically, like Kristen Neff is the person who began self compassion, uh, research. I, there are so many people now who talk about it and who have duplicated results and have all sorts of, you know, extenuating information when it comes to self compassion, but it was born from, you know, Kristen Neff.
Cathy: She, uh, is actually at the university of Texas, I believe in Houston, because I think she and Brene Brown are in a similar area, but it came from. Her, you know, trying to figure out, you know, cause she was not feeling self compassionate. So it started with her feelings, but also about noticing our, the way that we interact, especially with our children, how there’s a focus on a self esteem movement.
Cathy: There used to be, this is, you know, way back when, and I still think it’s [00:11:00] around, but maybe not as prominent. And what we focus on with self esteem was making our kids feel good about who they are. Okay. That can sound good in theory, but really what it ended up becoming was self compassionate. I will feel good if I get first place, I am important if I win, um, I will feel valued if I have the highest grade in the class.
Cathy: And you see how this can be a challenge because there’s no way every kid can have that experience, right? Or no way every human being can get, you know, if we’re talking about adults, they can’t get, not everybody can get the promotion. Not everybody can get the big, um, you know, raise or bonus. Like we’re basically pitting ourselves.
Cathy: Against each other and playing King of the Hill. And when we’re King of the Hill, we’re so nervous about losing that position. That is our self esteem really high, or are we actually kind of anxious about holding onto it? So these were some of the questions is self esteem really helping us become better people?
Cathy: Is it really helping us in the long run? [00:12:00] So that was part of it. And what she realized, you know, cut to jumping to the, the reason here. is that she realized that self compassion is actually the key to helping us be more connected, um, loving towards ourselves and others, more understanding from a parental role, more soothing to our kids rather than judgmental, um, more supportive rather than demanding.
Cathy: It shifted every aspect of how we interact with people when it comes to, um, how we What’s the word I’m looking for? How we push ourselves or don’t push ourselves and actually recognize that acceptance is what allows us to succeed.
Todd: Can I read to you the four bullet points that Kristen Neff says regarding the difference between self esteem and self compassion?
Todd: Sure.
Cathy: I was, I thought you were going to jump ahead, but yes.
Todd: Self esteem is a positive evaluation of self worth, whereas self compassion [00:13:00] isn’t a judgment or an evaluation at all. Okay. Number two, self esteem requires feeling better than others. Self compassion requires acknowledging that we are all imperfect.
Todd: Third one is self esteem tends to be a fair weathered friend. There for us when we succeed, but deserting us precisely when we need it the most, when we fail or make a fool out of ourselves. And lastly, Compared with self esteem, self compassion is less contingent on conditions like physical attractiveness or successful performance, provides a more stable sense of self worth over time.
Cathy: Yeah. So that last sentence is perfect, you know, perfect, stable sense of self worth and, and as parents, um, this is important to understand when our kids are struggling with something is the whole idea of being hard on them and having them become afraid or using a lot of rules and regulations that actually can.
Cathy: Stifle them that can actually decrease their sense of self that can actually make them do what I do, which is freeze versus having [00:14:00] a self compassionate, um, way of interacting or personally dealing with our own challenges that actually helps us keep moving. That’s why Todd and I decided to talk about that.
Cathy: today on a day that, you know, we can feel fear, or if you listen to this podcast later on, you know, maybe a day you’re struggling with, this is what helps. And this is, you know, people push back on it maybe less than they used to, but this is well researched. This is not us saying, doesn’t this feel good?
Cathy: It’s well re researched. So, um, you know, that’s the big umbrella. And then now let’s talk about what that looks like. What does self compassion mean? Um, and there’s three components to it, you know, and under each component, there’s a lot to discuss, but the three, well, we’ll just start with number one.
Cathy: Number one is self kindness. Okay. And what does
Todd: that look like?
Cathy: Self kindness just means treating yourself like you’d treat a friend. We have this internal, [00:15:00] you know, voice that’s often super, super, super judgmental. We all have it. This isn’t a, you know,
Todd: let’s call it the inner critic.
Cathy: Yeah. It’s a very, very loud inner critic.
Cathy: And so there’s a, you know, in that there is a, uh, you know, we can all understand that and appreciate that. But then the question is, do we listen to it and believe it’s true? It’s correct. Do we believe that that voice is the one that is actually going to influence us to do better? And what would we tell a friend if they were saying all these things?
Cathy: Like, I’m actually awful or I’m horrible, or I’m not good at anything. What would we say to a friend? We’d say, Oh my goodness, not at all. You had a tough day or you may have made a poor choice, but there’s a lot to learn. And you know, we can move on from here, but we rarely do that with ourselves. It’s like we believe that we should be kicking our own butt.
Todd: Well, yeah, we’re believing the inner critic.
Cathy: Right.
Todd: And we have two choices. We could either believe him or tell that one to shut up. And that’s not really what we’re talking about [00:16:00] either is can we accept that? inner critic and know because the harder you push that critical way, I think the more juice you give him.
Todd: So instead just to acknowledge, Oh, I see there, there you are. There’s that critic. Thank you for showing up. And now I’m going to direct my attention over here.
Cathy: Yeah. Yeah. And Todd saying him and I’ll say her or, or a general gender neutral, if we need to, it’s whatever voice it is, it’s whatever it sounds like.
Cathy: Correct. Um, but yes, it’s a, and, and I think this is where people get really stuck. Because they have come to believe either through the way that they were raised or the experiences that they somehow believe, um, resulted from being hard on themselves, they think they got a positive outcome from it. They believe that if they are self compassionate or practice self kindness, then they’ll be lazy.
Cathy: And not get anything done. And the truth is the only way to think clearly is to practice self kindness. Because if you are in self anger or [00:17:00] self judgment, your brain is not online. You’re actually not functioning with all the systems. Well, and
Todd: we’re going to do, uh, we’re going to go through all three, but eventually if we have time and we may not.
Todd: Um, there’s a few things of self compassion and what it’s not. And one of those is what you just said. It’s not that. So go ahead.
Cathy: It’s not, you know, so you’re not, you know, people will say that’s me letting myself off the hook. You actually have the capacity to learn and make different choices. If you are being kind to yourself about what went wrong or the feelings you’re having in the moment, then you have some clarity of intention.
Cathy: If you’re just. You know, picture it like, you know, like a cartoon, like you’re beating your head and you know how in cartoons and the old violent cartoons, as Gen Xers used to watch and they would like beat them over the head and then they’d like become really small and go into the ground. If you’re doing that internally, look at what you’re doing.
Cathy: You’re, you’re pushing yourself down. You’re, you’re not remaining whole you’re being, becoming smaller and more, it’s more pain [00:18:00] versus if you’re actually looking and saying, okay, I’m going to What happened there? Oof, that’s not really the, my value system. That’s not my integrity. I really want to make different choices.
Cathy: You have more ability to recognize what you did and do something different. So number two, Todd, do you want to do that one or do you want me to,
Todd: is it a mindfulness? Correct. Okay. So my definition of mindfulness is being aware of what’s going on in my body and around me without thinking. Judgment. Mm hmm.
Todd: And I sometimes interchange mindfulness and presence, like it’s all kind of the same thing, but can I be aware? And you know, if I’m on my phone, it’s hard to be aware. I mean, I guess there’s times when you can be a
Cathy: numbing out. Yeah. Mm hmm.
Todd: So it’s, it’s a simple practice, which you and I have talked about forever of being, being mindful, being aware, be here, focusing on your breath.[00:19:00]
Todd: Focusing on where I am right now, as opposed to what’s going to happen tomorrow, or in four years, or what happened yesterday, or 25 years ago. Can I be here right now? And I also want to just say, this is a lifelong journey for me. Maybe there’s some Buddhist monks out there that have, that have figured out that.
Todd: figured it out and are mindful most of the time. I’m most of the time, I’m not mindful. And can I be accepting of myself when I’m not mindful? Um, it’s funny, even like I’m not even meditating that much these days. I’m, I go in and out of meditation, but what’s interesting is when I am meditating and I find that I call it the sweet spot, when you are completely aware and you’re not in your head at all, what happens to me is I’m not I realized that I’m in that sweet spot, which takes me out of that sweet spot.
Todd: It’s so interesting,
Cathy: which is part of it. Like the whole thing is not. I’m in the sweet spot. [00:20:00] Look how great I am. How can I stay here? It’s Ooh, sweet spot. Ooh, I’m noticing the sweet spot. What you notice is how your brain works. Like, I think the whole process is less about getting somewhere, even though I know exactly what you’re talking about.
Cathy: It’s like this really comfortable zone. You know, I, I, I. Feel it, but I also think that it’s natural for, because we’ve got all those parts in our brain to question it or to move us out of it really quickly. And to your point, you can practice self kindness with that. And I also think, you know, in a really practical way, like, um, you know, today you might be listening to this on Tuesday, but you know, I’ve had days where I’ve been nervous or uncomfortable or whatever, like last Thursday, last Wednesday, whatever, and I’ve just had to say to myself, I’m just going to do Wednesday.
Todd: You know,
Cathy: I’m just going to be here right now. You know, anybody who’s waited on test results, anybody who has waited for a phone call that maybe they’re scared about anybody who has been waiting for their kid to come home and they can’t track where they are. You know, you just have to be [00:21:00] like, I’m just going to do right now.
Cathy: I’m just, and, and let me be clear. It doesn’t mean your mind won’t wander to scary things. It’s about that. You recognize that you don’t have to stay there. I think that’s the most important part of mindfulness is this real life. Um, understanding of how to utilize it is, you know, to not be judgmental when you’re not mindful, because some people will be like, Oh, I can’t believe I wasn’t mindful in that situation.
Cathy: And. Then the mindfulness is getting turned against them. Like there’s a certain way to be versus utilizing it in the moment. Like, like oftentimes when I, I can be more mindful after I’ve cried, like if I have a good cry, I can be like, okay, okay, now I’m just going to be here. Almost like crying was like the release of tension about.
Todd: Well, what’s interesting is, um, you know, like I said, this is really hard to do. Like there’s an election today and if the person that, you know, we want Kamala, right? [00:22:00]
Cathy: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, of course.
Todd: And you have had moments. I just
Cathy: wanted to not talk about it because people want to stay calm. You’ve
Todd: had moments of worry.
Todd: Of course. And most of the worry, you know, it hasn’t happened yet. And it’s silly for me to be like, Oh, well, what are you worrying about? It’s nothing has happened yet. And even that for me is I am, you know, I, in an effort to try to calm you down, I take myself out of presence. So it’s so much easier for me to say, sweetie, it hasn’t even happened yet.
Todd: Don’t worry about it. And. Meanwhile, I’m worried about what is life going to be like if the, if this happens. And it’s like, whenever anybody tells somebody to take a breath, I always say the person who ever says to take a breath, think of your kid, your kid’s melting down, just take a breath. What really needs to happen?
Todd: Is I need to take a breath. So anyways,
Cathy: True. And you know, I [00:23:00] think that there is a lot of wisdom in that. And I think there is also a natural part of being human where you try and prepare mentally to not be completely sideswiped by something. Yeah. There are, there’s a gray zone in there, meaning there’s, there’s the extremes of, I’m not going to think about this at all.
Cathy: And this is all I’m going to think about. And then the middle ground is how will I take care of myself? If what resources do I have? If how will I, um, soothe myself if, and I think those are, are healthy. I don’t think that’s not being mindful. I can plan. You can plan mindfully. You can plan mindfully.
Cathy: Exactly. You can
Todd: also lose yourself to the planning.
Cathy: Correct. That’s the binaries that I’m talking about. There’s the complete disregarding. And then there is the ridiculous, like, you know, hyperventilating. I’ve been that person, like not necessarily this year, but I, when I used to [00:24:00] leave the kids, um, when I’d like have to go on a trip with it, have to, but when I choose to go on a trip with my friends, which I think as a new mom is really important, by the way, once a year, Or, you know, or maybe
Todd: two or three times a year.
Cathy: Well, I don’t think I did, but I know I did it once a year. No,
Todd: you didn’t.
Cathy: And, um, before I’d go, I mean, I had little kids who were maybe nursing or bottle fed or whatever, or we’re just really small, or maybe they had a first day of something and I didn’t want to miss it. And I, a few times I hyperventilated, it was so hard.
Cathy: Like I literally, someone gave me a bag because I was,
Todd: I thought that one of our kids, and by the way, we have six minutes left in this podcast. We got to do
Cathy: the last one. But
Todd: you thought our kid. Who was nursing at the time was going to starve to death,
Cathy: which is me at the extreme, you know, like, which there’s a lot of mom brain in that, which is my whole sense of being is about keeping these children safe and alive.
Cathy: And, you know, that’s a whole nother topic last one, Todd, because we got six minutes. Yeah.
Todd: Common humanity.
Cathy: It’s my favorite one. [00:25:00] It’s my most soothing one, whenever, because part of my internal monologue is that I’m alone, even when I’m with people, I’m like, I’m alone. It’s a very childhood thing. And when I realize how many people, not just in my presence, but are everywhere, all over the place, all over the country, all over the world, potentially who have a similar desire, You know, I said to Todd this morning that for a day like today, an election day, um, just realizing how many people who we feel connected to, because they want something similar.
Cathy: And I am so not alone. It, we can feel alone. We can be scared within our own home or for our own, you know, potential loss of something like there are individual aspects to this, but the truth is there are people everywhere. Who are, who are sending out that same vibe and we’re just not alone in this process.
Cathy: And, and anybody who has gone [00:26:00] through something, you know, take it off of the election for a second. You’ve had a situation where you’ve made a mistake or someone hurt you or you’ve done something embarrassing. You’re not alone. You’re not the only one. You’re simply not.
Todd: And our brain tries to convince us that we are.
Cathy: Right. That we’re unique.
Todd: Why
Cathy: does
Todd: the brain do that?
Cathy: Well, I think there’s an ego aspect to it that we are unique. Um, I think there is the voice of the judgmental voice. I think it’s like a, a few different parts of us coming together to sabotage. Like you are the only one, you know, the ego part, and there’s something inherently wrong with you, which is the judgmental part.
Cathy: And there’s just this whole, you know, rotating voices telling us that. That nobody would love us if they knew these things. And then the other part is belonging, right? Like we sometimes fear if we have a certain perspective or we have a certain history or we have a certain belief system or whatever, we won’t belong.
Cathy: And that’s the scariest thing for human beings because belonging is how we survive. So there’s lots of [00:27:00] different pieces in there, Todd, depending on who you are, but, but, uh, so that would be self kindness today. Mindfulness today, even if it’s just reminding yourself that, you know, to just be here now. And the last one is common humanity.
Cathy: Remember you’re not alone.
Todd: Yeah. So we do have two and a half minutes left, so we can either go over a few of these things that it’s not, or we could, I could just play some calm meditation music for two minutes. And if people want to like flip over to their next podcast, they can, or they can just
Cathy: Why don’t you just read one or two things real quick and then put on the calming music?
Cathy: Why don’t we
Todd: doesn’t so yeah, I’ll just read through the bullet points real quick. And you already hit on one of them. Doesn’t self compassion just mean throwing a pity party for poor me?
Cathy: Right. Which is no, of course not because you actually, then again, when you practice self compassion, you have the capability to keep walking forward.
Todd: Self compassion is for wimps. I have to be tough and strong to get through my life.
Cathy: No, practice it. [00:28:00] Practicing self compassion is one of the most challenging things you can do. It’s actually a strength. Um, and it’s, there is a certain amount of consciousness and, you know, stability that is required to even make the choice to go forward.
Todd: I need to think more about other people, not myself. Being self compassionate is way too selfish and self focused.
Cathy: The ability to practice self compassion is that indicates how compassionate you’ll be toward other people. So without self compassion, it’s very difficult to not be judgmental of others. So it is, What you give to yourself, you end up giving to others.
Todd: Self compassion will make me lazy. I will probably just skip work whenever I feel like it and stay in bed eating chocolate chip cookies all day.
Cathy: No, that’s called denial and compartmentalization or, um, just numbness. Uh, self compassion is actually a practice and a process that actually keeps you up and running.
Todd: Two more. If I am compassionate to myself, I’ll let myself get away with murder. I need to [00:29:00] be hard on myself when I mess up to make sure I don’t hurt other people.
Cathy: Self compassion is actually what keeps your brain open and creative, especially the prefrontal cortex, where you can actually see through a different lens and you can actually be more rational about what we could do differently versus being super judgmental or cruel to ourselves, shuts all of that down.
Cathy: And we have no ability to do anything different.
Todd: Um, I’m going to skip the last one because it’s a little wordy, so I’m just gonna, for the last 35 seconds, we’re just going to say thanks for being a part of it.
Cathy: And we’ll talk to you next week.
Todd: Where’s my self compassion? Can I be compassionate with myself?
Cathy: With the inability to play music? Even though there’s no volume?
Todd: Yeah, it’s just not working.
Cathy: So
Todd: I’m going to go ahead and Do you want
Cathy: me to sing?
Todd: Yes, sweetie, give us a little song.
Cathy: No, I don’t know if that would be compassionate to others. No,
Todd: probably not.
Cathy: I really, I like to sing in the car and in the shower.
Cathy: So
Todd: we have five, eight seconds left. So thank you for listening to Zen Parenting [00:30:00] Radio and hopefully enjoy 30 minutes of calm.
