The “R” Word

Do you want one child, two, three, four?  Everybody has an opinion, but what’s right for you? Cathy and Todd share their decision making process and discuss why it’s important to  respect other people’s choices when it comes to family size.  Ann Coulter made news when she decided to tweet the r-word, and John Franklin Stephens made bigger news when he wrote an open letter explaining why this word is offensive – Cathy and Todd discuss the importance of letting go of the r-word for good.  Finally, Todd shares some tournament of bad and Cathy explains why whatever follows this statement, “I AM….” will create your future.

2 Responses to The “R” Word

  1. Annie Brees says:

    Hi Todd and Cathy!

    I’m 29 year-old mom of two (3yrs and 6months) and for months now, “how many kids we are going to have” has been the number one topic of conversation between my husband and myself. Ive been guilty of asking people opinions time and time again and i sway one way for a bit and then back again as soon and someone else offers advice.

    What I’m really struggling with is this misconception that having more kids must mean you’re a really good parent and enjoy it so much. And if that’s true then the opposite must be true too? If you only have one or two kids then you must not be a good parent because if you were you’d naturally want to have more right? Of course I know in my rational brain it’s not true at all, but the way “people” talk about parents of three, four, five, etc kids makes them sound like they have abilities that parents of two kids don’t. (I.e. “Kelly, with four kids how do you do it?! Managing schedules, cooking, cleaning, etc). And same goes for the way some mothers of big families talk about themselves! Some have made me feel inexperienced because I only have two kids and they have four. If only I could wear a shirt that says, “I only have two kids but I try just has hard!”

    Our oldest has been a handful since day one. As a baby she cried and cried. As a toddler she was always curious and now and a preschooler she’s more then spirited. She is the apple of my eye and I love her dearly. She has some behavior concerns that were working with a therapist to address (and they have alluded to ADHD) but we give her every ounce of attention, patience, loving words, etc we can and at the end of the day we are pooped. We will work through this but we constantly asking ourselves if a third baby would stretch us too thin.

    I know how many children we have is a decision that only my husband and I can answer but I’m finding it hard to not let other peoples perceptions about parenting interfere with our decision. I can speak for my husband when I say we try really hard to be good parents but it’s still really hard for us.

    Thank you so much for your show. Is has done more then you could ever know for me.

    Have a great and happy Thanksgiving.

    • Cathy Adams says:

       Hi Annie – so sorry for the late response.  I think you are right on – I am not a fan of the parenting “competition”.  The amount of kids you have does not dictate the amount of energy of love you have to give.  The amount of kids you have is a family decision and should have nothing to do with what friends, books, society “dictates”.  This is a “inner” decision – if you ask others you will only get their perceptions, not YOUR answer.  They view the world based on their experiences, therefore they can’t possibly know what is right for your family.  You and your husband need to go deep on this one and trust that you will know.  And being a “good” parent is not based on the number of kids you have, it’s based on knowing yourself, trusting yourself, and teaching your children to do the same.  So glad you listen to the show!  We tend to check our Facebook page much more than the blog, so “like” us if you haven’t already – we can stay connected that way.  Our best to you and your family!

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